Out of body experience

Lent just began and the temptation to fail what I am going to give up this Lent is already so huge. Today is not as bad as yesterday and I am glad that I successfully resisted the temptations in these past two days. The desire to slim down is also a motivation for me. Yesterday at gym, I felt that this body was no longer mine as the belly has never been this hard fat before. I know I am not slim but usually when the stomach is empty, I can 'suck in' my stomach and the belly is soft when pressed. Perhaps my weighing machine is broken since it does not show much weight gain. Bleah...

I remember an advice I read before the start of this Rat year: to watch my mouth in order to prevent conflict. I kept reminding myself this as this week I felt like losing my cool with colleagues. I hate to clean others' mess and I hate it even more when the person making the mess made it as if the mess became my responsibility. Fuck sia. One day later, everyone was pretending busy and no time to look into the enquiry. Typical irresponsible people. The same fucker asked me to do because my task list seemed to be the shortest. Do not use my efficiency to cover your own slackness and fake attempt to siam from the enquiry. Fiuh.. I had to google 'slackness' since I do not know the noun form. Lol. Initially I thought it was 'slackiness'.

Few weeks ago, I got very irritated with my laptop which had been slow to start up and all that. It got better after that. After a few rounds of slowness and normalcy, I finally notice that the slowness is always caused by Windows Update. I have to be patient to wait until the installation is completed and everything is back to normal. I was too impatient in the past since I assumed it was my laptop dying.

Wow.. clearly I have not really been myself this past few days with these virtues of patience and self control.

While the local situation of coronavirus seems to be improving, the situation in other parts of the world is worsening. My company is extending WFH arrangement which of course is greatly appreciated. Hehe.. I read with envy that the healthcare workers will be receiving a month bonus. Welcome to the private world when risk of recession means I may not even get a bonus next year. I have to remind myself that a month bonus is nothing compared to WFH for a month. I hope the WFH is extended until end March at least since I am really enjoying my after work nap.

Currently one thing constantly bothering me is my dad who has not been feeling well. My intuition is similar to what I felt before my grandma passed away. Sigh.. I do not want to think too much about it but really: am I ready if my dad has to go? My worrying is not going to change anything so what I can do now is only pray and pray and pray.