Double tickets

The year just began and the thought that this Fire Rooster is not a good year becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I did a compilation for my January spending and I realised I bought a duplicate air ticket for my trip in April. FML! I can't cancel, I can't refund, and changing dates will cost me 2-3x more. Basically I have to suck it up with $185 going down the drain. I do not mind donating that kind of amount to the needy but not to corporations out there which are always ready to suck people's money dry.

When this kind of bad thing happens, the first reaction is always to find a scapegoat. I try to justify by saying that I repeatedly changed my mind for my April trip. Initially I did not want to go to Pontianak, then suddenly I had the idea to extend my holiday a little bit to spare a few days in Pontianak, before finally back to the first plan since I would be going to Pontianak in March for my grandma's birthday after all. Sadly, reality shows that I only have myself to blame. I actually bought the first ticket in 2 Jan. All the thoughts of changing plan came after that which means that I simply had FORGOTTEN that I already bought a ticket. So yes, I can only point that middle finger towards myself.

For no reason, I had trouble sleeping for the past 3 nights. I did not oversleep and I tried to blame Starbucks on Saturday. But nothing was unusual yesterday and yet I still had difficulty sleeping. I realised about the ticket mishap only past midnight and despite all the negative emotions, I still could not sleep. I even completed a rosary prayer and I was not sleepy. Not sure eventually what time I fell asleep. Short of cash and short of sleep is definitely a disastrous combination.

It is normal for humans to make mistake but I am so unforgiving towards myself. Today in a hurry I texted a wrong information about Rivaroxaban and I felt so embarrassed and ashamed because of it. Honestly, there is no big deal about it but it is all just me.

I feel so drained and negative right now. Physical tiredness can be easily overcome with enough sleep but I don't know how to improve on my mental resilience at this current stage. It is usually easy to fly to prayer but I don't think it works for me this time :(

Welcoming the Fire Rooster

I am not usually a fan of Chinese New Year and I am even less excited for this year since Rooster is the 'ciong' sign of my Rabbit zodiac which means things will not be very good for me this year. So the year started with me falling sick after my MMR vaccination on Wednesday. It seems that the 3-5 days delayed vaccine-related side effects really came as suddenly I just had diarrhea, headache, and flu. Because of that, I declined my aunt's invitation for CNY eve BBQ on Friday evening. I was pretty sure I would be worse with the heat and all that. Not to mention that I did not have proper meal as everywhere was so crowded. Even the queues for fast foods were crazy.

The first day of CNY was quite eventful for me. At last minute, I had a friend who was here for his family gathering. The Gundams for January shipment just nice only arrived on Wednesday so I passed him a few to bring back for my friend's shop. It was my first time to visit East Point at Simei. Only the fast food restaurants were open and I had lunch at Long John's Silver while waiting for my friend. We chatted for a while since he had to continue to another family gathering. It has been 15 years since we met but yet it was nice to catch up like the old days.

This year I will be 30 years old and I can't help but feel old. Age and time are cruel. Those "All the best for your studies" in the past are now "May you find a girlfriend" and my parents think that I should go back for CNY although it is short holiday when in the past, they made no issue of me not going back for short holiday. Receiving angpaos from cousins at this age feels rather embarrassing too. Sigh.. I am still thick skinned for those form parents and uncles aunties though. Hehe.. At the church today, the family seated in front of me was inspiring and makes me think that it must be nice to have a family too. Yet, at the same time, I feel so tired of my life or thinking of the future. Suddenly I have the idea if I should be thinking a religious life. There is no need to think of money or to plan my own life and just follow God's calling and plan.

After about one month, I am glad that my 2017 resolution for exercising is still going on track. I went for 19x already so each visit to the gym costs me about $15. I have not seen any improvement yet and I only keep going by reminding myself that it is still better than doing zero physical activity at all. I still have a desire to be involved in volunteering activity but the chance has not come yet. Sigh.. I am hoping for a day when a friend randomly just ask me.

1 more day to slack yesterday before life is back to normal. Just remember that for this Fire Rooster what I need to do is to KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT as it is predicted that I will have a lot of conflicts with people. Haha..

And this completely random but before writing this, I just followed Australia Open final live feed. I had been seeing Federer vs Nadal things since yesterday so I was surprised that the final was only today. I am rooting for Federer so I am glad that he won :) Another history made with his 18 Grand Slams.

Tokyo DOGS

Synopsis:

Takakura So witnessed his father, who is a detective, being murdered in front of him by a crime lord (Jinno). Vowing to take revenge, So grew up to become a detective in New York. At one failed ambush, a woman (Yuki Matsunaga) who seemed to be related to Jinno survived in amnesic state. Restoring her memory may be a key to reveal more information about Jinno. So was transferred to Tokyo and was partnered with Maruo Kudo to restore Yuki's memory and to follow the lead that Japanese police has on Jinno.

My opinion:

Action drama is not a genre that usually I am interested in. I give this a try due to good reviews but since my interest on this genre is so so, I watched this only in 2016. There is a good mix of comedy here which makes this more bearable to watch although it still took me a few months to complete this because my soft sub for episode 5 was faulty. I waited until end December to get the correct soft sub and then finish the show. Thus it is interesting enough to make me watch episodes back to back but it is not good enough to make me chiong for the faulty soft sub earlier.

The first few episodes which focus on restoring Yuki's memory are rather boring. The excitement starts to build up halfway as more information about Jinno and the conflict with him begins to show a clearer picture. I think the build up towards the climax is pretty good although the investigations and the shoot outs are pretty tame and lame for an action drama.

I enjoy comedy but I think having too much comedy in the middle of the supposedly action-packed investigation or shoot out with criminal scenes make the action scenes lame. The type of comedy here may not be everyone's cup of tea. I personally only like the funny scenes when So act or say things in a 'too serious' manner. For example, when Yuki hugged him from behind, So flip throws her because his fighting reflex. This is repeated at the final episode which I find damn hilarious as Yuki repeats the same comments that she got thrown even though she is a woman. Or when So sleeps next to Maruo on a single bed because ít is common for soldiers at war to share the same bunk bed. Lol. Sadly, funny attempts from Maruo, So's family, and the members of Japanese police department more often fall on the corny side. They are funny initially they tend to repeat the same jokes and slowly become repetitive and no longer funny.

Being used to teenagers/school-themed genre, it is quite interesting to see character development in a more mature or adult genre. These adult characters do not simply 'çhange' as the story progresses and that is something quite realistic. Despite personality mismatch between So and Maruo, So does not lighten up because of Maruo's influence and Maruo's does not become more serious like So. I am also quite surprised that Jinno, despite being a crime lord, actually loves Yuki. It is not a cliche that the antagonist is an arse who just makes use of the main female character bla bla bla. There is a love triangle between Maruo, Yuki, and So but nothing really romantic happens which I think fits into the theme of the drama and the characters.

One disappointment for me is that there are so many characters which are underused. I am referring to the Japanese police departments. In fact, I think there are 2 guys who usually appear during briefing but throughout the whole series, they do not even say anything or even interact with the other characters in the team. Similarly with So's family. These characters seem to be present just for comic relief. I feel that the police departments should have gotten bigger role in the investigation and action aspects of the drama.

My afterthoughts:

It is official, I AM OLD! Dang!! Haha.. I have been looking for a more grown-up drama about working adults bla bla bla. I find Tokyo DOGS pretty okay. I know my younger self would think that the characters are one-dimensional because they remain the same personalities right through the end of the series, I would be disappointed with no romance and how the relationship between the characters are very 'professional' rather than 'personal'. But my current self thinks that the drama is reasonable and realistic enough to show the adult life. We no longer change our personalities overnight and relationships with colleagues, no matter how close we are, always remain business-like rather than personal.

Weak

It has only been a weak and I already lost steam for my attempt to lose weight. Gym is okay. I mean I don't hate it and I don't find it like a chore to go. I guess I am getting pretty used to it. But at the same time, I start to grow impatient and tired of it. I don't see any improvement in my endurance, body shape, or weight. I know it is quite unreasonable to expect a weight loss (even 1 kg) within a week. But perhaps I am just finding excuses to quit. Last night I just came to a realisation that even those exercise regime videos on youtube also shows changes in a 1 month period. So yeah, 1 week is just unreasonable.

Anyway I still hate push up and I don't see that I am improving on that. I forget the correct posture for the squat pull up so I am getting worse for that. But I do notice an improvement for the overhead press. Now 5kg does nothing for me and I am progressing to 7.5kg weight.

The quitting thought was also affecting my diet. On Tuesday, I was so tempted to just give up on my diet. I spent half an hour to visit around to consider among MOS Burger, McD, Long John Silver, or Subway but I still had the will power to choose none. The temptation came again on Wednesday and this time, I surrendered. I bought the double prosperity burger. Lol. Anyway it is a yearly menu for Chinese New Year so it is just a matter of time before I have it once for this year. On Thursday, I continued with 2 bags of potato chips. Sigh.. Thank goodness no more desire yesterday and today haha..

There is a sad news this week that Chiaki Ito will be leaving AAA :( Sigh.. I am really so lucky to attend AAA concert and fan club event in Singapore last year. Perhaps that is the only live pop star concert that I will ever attend. Co-ed pop groups are rare nowadays and with now 1 girl left in AAA, the female voice in the group will definitely be affected. Again it is very sad but then again, they are also humans. They are going into their 30s so it is unavoidable that they will start their own family. So yup, just enjoy whatever songs and performances they had done previously.

Rimi Natsukawa is going to have a concert in Singapore. After hesitating for a day, I decided to buy a ticket. It will be my first time attending an artist's solo concert so I am hoping for another great experience.

Shop and eat

My holiday is official over and this is my last post before going back to work tomorrow. Sigh.. When I came back on Monday, I was considering to cancel and save my leave. Well, laziness got the better of me. I decided to just use my leave and be a local tourist for the past 2 days.

Recap to Monday first regarding my return flight. There was a friend who was at the same flight. I saw him during boarding but I did not call across the aisle as I was not sure if it was the correct person. I only texted him when we landed. He actually saw me at immigration but was also not sure if it was me. Lol. We caught up a bit at the luggage belt and hmm.. it was actually quite good meeting someone unexpectedly.

SQ quality is getting worse. The stewardess asked me if I wanted lunch. WTF! My preferred lunch also ran out. I was sitting near the galley and yet was not served early. Damn. I watched Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso (Your Lie in April) and I did not finish it! Damn it! I should have watch it instead of Civil War on my flight to Jakarta earlier. I tried to find it online to finish it to no avail. Sianz.. Spoilers mention that the ending is quite sad so I suppose the good thing of not finishing it would be I need not to hide my tears in the plane. Haha..

On Tuesday, I went to Canon service center to get my camera checked. I am not sure if the problem is with the camera or with the battery. The camera will show full battery but after few shots, it rapidly dropped to 2 and then 1 bar. But after restarting, it shows full battery again. The investigation was pretty fast as I already got an update today. They assured me that the battery is dirty at the point of contact with the camera. They cleaned the surface and everything should be okay. They better be right that nothing is wrong with the camera. It is only 3 years old and is only used 1-2x a year. There is no reason for it to get spoilt that fast.

2017 is not very friendly for my wallet. Right from the first day of arrival, I already spent close to $500 for my March and April flight tickets o_0 I also bought Sailor Moon proplica from Premium Bandai ($125) although I was already aiming for it since December but decided to buy it only in January to meet my monthly spending. The item is called Tuxedo Mirage Memorial Ornament. It has music box, lights, and Prince Endymion and Princess Serenity figures standing on top of it. Thank goodness the preorder was still open. When I saw it for the first time, I was tempted to buy 2. Unlike the previous Proplica that can only play certain voices, this is much better with more features. But after realising how full my room is.. never mind.

I also paid for the balance of Squall Final Fantasy Dissidia Play Arts Kai. In total, he cost me $187.20. It is quite scary that as compared to the one released in 2011, he is almost 3x more expensive. That much just for slightly bigger size and a grouchier face. Damn.. But then, he is Squall so I can't resist :(

My mum wanted to buy something from eBay and the side effect is I ended up spending. Sigh.. I shopped from Amazon. I was planning to get Proplica Cosmic Heart Compact which I did not see in any local shop, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child book, and Fantastic Beasts screenplay book. The total did not quality for Amazon free shipping. Today I decided to add Fantastic Beasts movie books.

Books are relatively easy to store so it did not take much hesitation despite my lack of space. But here comes my next headache: figures related to Aladdin 25th anniversary. Shit man! Aladdin was released in 1992 and 25th anniversary should be in 2017. Why did they start producing things since 2016? Gosh.. There is Prince Ali (Disney Couture de Force). Disney is all about princesses so it is very rare to see Aladdin. I also came across another Bugs Bunny figurine (Jim Shore) in his signature post, lying on his back and biting his carrot. These 2 should be relatively 'small' to store. My biggest problem is Aladdin and Jasmine on Magic Carpet by Britto. I usually dislike Britto style but I am just a sucker for Aladdin stuff. This magic carpet pose is so generic and I already own several version of it, but then this is Aladdin!! I am giving myself 1-2 days to cool down if I should jump to get this. Arrgh.. but then it is easier to think of storage rather than regretting missing an item: Disney Parks Medium Big Fig of Aladdin, Jasmine, Abu, and Magic Carpet.

Singapore is actually not so bad as a tourist place on weekdays. Haha.. The shopping malls are lull, there is no queue for food, and there are good lunch deals. Yesterday, I saw Kuishinbo 60 minutes lunch buffet for $24.90++ but I was there 30 minutes before their lunch time end. I ended up eating at Kohaku to eat tendon. It is just next to Kuishinbo and the tendon reminds me of the one I had in Osaka. The price is very reasonable. $15++ for the tendon that comes with 2 ebi, 2 pieces of chicken, some pieces of seafood (I don't know what as I just ate them all without thinking), and vegetables (the mushroom is damn good!).

Today I went back to Suntec for Kuishinbo. It seems that time is not really a limiting factor. It is my stomach. I went out after 45 minutes and I did not even get to try everything. But it was still very good and I like the carpaccio thingy best. One is Tai carpaccio, and the other one (which is nicer) is not named. I wanted to take again before leaving but I really could not take it. My highlight was to try oden for the very first time. Haha.. Yes I am so easy to please. The takoyaki was very good too as I could feel the big piece of octopus inside. Sadly, my stomach only had space to try 1 piece. I tried to try all their winter special food except for the dessert. The only thing I really wanted but did not get was the sharkfin soup.

That's all for the good time and good food. It is back to usual grind tomorrow and back to usual diet and emoness. Sigh..

Sayonara 2016

Today is the last day of in 2016 so as usual, it is time to summarise and reflect on the past year. The highlight for this year is my trip to Australia in March. I did not get the chance to hug a koala or play with kangaroos but it felt great to be back to Sydney. I always thought it would be boring to travel to the same place more than once but this trip proved otherwise.

Other than that, 2016 has nothing much worth mentioning. I realised that I really watched a lot of movies this year. I think the 'coma' of my laptop really contributed much to that as my internet time was less than previous years. Another impact from that is I am not watching that much anime or J-drama this year and I sort of not really following J-pop music.

I also achieved some 'smaller' dreams such as completing photobooks from my trips to Europe, Japan, and Australia. I also attended my first ever live concert for AAA. The experience is quite addictive and not as daunting as I expected. I will not hesitate to attend future concerts of people that I like. Hehe.. I also attended the fan club event and got chance to high touch them. Hoho..

I am pretty daring with my first attempt at investment. I started with the monthly $200 for POSB invest saver in 2015 which is considered quite a small amount. Lol. This year I contributed to crowdfunding which is considered higher risk but higher return. I really think I was quite crazy to pump in $11000 into it o_0 So far I only managed to get $5000 back and it is quite a roller coaster ride with few missed payments. Not sure if my heart can take more roller coaster rides like this haha.. However, the mind set of "I am prepared to lose the $xxx that I pump in" really helps for such high risk investment. As the economy is not doing well, I already stopped doing this. Haha.. I actually stopped sometime in June so I effectively only participated for 4 months. Now I am only waiting for the repayments.

Premium Bandai Singapore also opened this year and I am working with my friends in Jakarta to open a Gundam shop. My task is simple: just to help to order whatever he thinks will sell and forks out the money first. Lol. I have to think about storage as well since my room is already like a store room but at least he will handle how to get the items to Jakarta. Lol.

I still continue with my Japanese language class although I am at the brink of giving up. Sigh.. I do not really put in the effort to memorise and it gets quite difficult to follow. Can't deny that it still makes the mugger in me happy about it. Haha.. It contributes a lot to my fortnightly Starbucks to do the homework too T_T Haha... My diet goes down the drain this year as I hardly avoid egg, chilli, and butter and I cannot maintain the discipline with my L-men for dinner. Sigh.. Not surprising that I have become so embarrassing fat this year, fat enough for me to actually plunge into a gym training. I also walked a lot thanks to Pokemon GO! I am more willing to walk to catch pokemons than for the sake of just losing weight. Yes... crazy me.

The realisation that I simply run out of storage of space really puts a brake to my binging on toy collections. For the past year, my spending is only 60% than the previous year. The percentage looks fantastic but I really thought I could spend even much lesser. Hmm.. where did the money go as I don't really think my bank account increase that much also leh?

Hmm.. after all the above, something is missing. Yes, I leave the rant about my job as the last. After the fun and excitement of SEA Games last year, work has been shit this year to give me negative vibes for the rest of the year. More importantly, it is shit enough to push me to actually actively look for job instead of just grumbling that I want to change job. Well, my bond just ended this September anyway.

In summary, 2016 is so lacklustre as compared to the fantastic 2015. Things are expected to be worse in 2017 whether you believe in Chinese horoscope or not so I am really not looking forward to it. My wish for 2017 is to find a 5-day week job so that I can find more meaningful activities (such as volunteering or church activities) on the weekend. I want to continue with my Japanese lessons and I will join the gym membership. It is painful to drag myself out for the gym but I really hope that the realisation that I have spent so much, I will at least make use of it. I hope to continue putting on a rein on my toy spending (not sure if it can happen) as the storage issue really drives me crazy. Bleah... Not sure if I want to find a girlfriend since I really still prefer to die young.

Wew.. what a depressing end of the year. New year is supposed to be happy right? Whatever.. Sayonara 2016 and welcome to 2017 whether you want it or not.

No rabbits

I am done arranging and tidying up my comic cabinet today. It was very tiring but I was so eager to look forward to visit the Rabbit Land at Mall Kelapa Gading in the afternoon. The pictures on the website look interesting and exciting and I could not wait to play and have photos with the rabbits. Sadly, reality is very far off from the advertisement and my trip became a disappointment. The area is too small and there were so many little kids. Well.. it is school holidays after all. I am not going to compete with little kids as I still have my 'face'. Haha.. but I was pretty shocked that the rabbits were allowed to run around and we are supposed to chase after them if we want to hold and carry them. Urrgh.. please... I hope the rabbits are not traumatised. I prefer going somewhere where the animals are treated better and proper chance to interact with them is provided.

I am also emo after realising that there is Muji that sells a similar drawer that can be stacked into cabinets like the ones I bought yesterday. Yes it is slightly more expensive (almost Rp 30000) then what I bought but it is bigger and it is made in Japan. Definitely the quality is better than the ones made in China that I bought. I am quite irritated with my sister because I asked if there was any shop to get container box at MKG and she said there was not.

Oh well.. That's all for today. Holiday is really coming to an end and I am far from what I planned to achieve. Haiz.. I only managed to revise 2 chapters of my Japanese class, not to mention that I have not done the latest homework. I did not make any Gundams. Tomorrow I will clean my toy detolf and I shall see if the Saint Seiya Myth Cloth base can fit nicely for my small Saint Seiya figures. May the last day of 2016 be a good one.

Missing the past

The first thing that struck my mind when I reached home was how messy my house is!! Grr.. I like tidiness and cleanliness so it is really irritating. However, I have sort of expected that this home is no longer my 'home'. I want a nice and clean house but it is impossible without all the contribution of those living in it. I have done my part by removing all my clutter from the 'common' area. Sigh.. there is no point of nagging since I have no say or influence. I shall be happy with my own tidy and clean room -although it is full of things as well.

As years pass by, sadly the people are not getting more mature but getting worse. My parents and my eldest sister are still arguing on daily basis. Sigh.. My parents are getting older so they are becoming more bo chup since they have less influence on the kids. Thus they can only nag and nag now. But my sister continues to be immature and entitled. She should just keep quiet and let my parents nag so they will stop. But she answers and then the nagging continues. It is always the same nagging for the past few years and I am getting so tired hearing. My younger sister just stares at her own computer after work so she is hardly visible also.

Anyway today I decided to just spend my money and get those Rp 250000 container box that can be stacked like a cabinet if I wish. There are 3 types that I was interested in but none is really 100% suitable and I spent quite sometime deciding which one to get. I decided with the most squarish one although the material is the frosted kind that gives like a 'dirty dusty' feel. Bleah.. The other one looks like the typical cheap plastic cabinet when stacked so I don't want the cheap feel although the material is clear and has a 'cleaner' feel. The third one easily fell out favour because the size is slightly smaller. Anyway, it will be under the bed so I won't really see it and I bought 3.

Mall of Indonesia (MOI) is much better now after renovation. In the past, I only went there when I needed to buy container box from Carrefour. The last time I went, a lot of parts were closed for renovation and things like that and I was not expecting that the mall would last. Now there are so many interesting food places to eat and I simply had not enough space in the stomach to try them all. Today I tried otako (otak-otak goreng) and a very nice batagor. The batagor is Rp 28000 for 5 pieces so it is very reasonable and the taste is pretty good.

A bit more about the batagor because I am pretty sure it is the boss or maybe the boss' son who served me. He call me OM for goodness sake! Om means uncle and this is not meant to be a joke over the "Om telolet Om" meme. I don't think I am that much older than him or he can even possibly be older than me leh. Haha.. And I was wearing clothes that I wore during my secondary school days T_T Clothes can hide my signs of aging. Anyway I appreciate the friendliness and the small talks.

I saw him taking notes of how many items sold for the day and there were about 30 when I was there. Assuming he can sell 50 a day, after minusing the rent (I don't know how much), the wages for the workers, I think the profit may not beat what I am earning right now. I should be more grateful I guess.

Moving on the next thing about my old laptop. The first thing I did upon arriving home was to check if it was still capable of connecting to the internet. Thank goodness it is still capable using direct LAN cable. Antivirus updated, drivers updated, but the wireless and bluetooth adaptors cannot be revived. Sigh.. It took overnight to update the drivers (I don't really understand what it is all about) so I was very hopeful that it could somehow bring it back to 'life'. I cannot even do any update for Windows as the Windows Update just keeps searching sigh.. Anyway, it is 6 more months for it to be a decade old and it really has done a good job for me. Thanks, TravelMate! That is really the model name of my laptop, no pun intended haha..

My childhood rabbit plush (she is called Ui)  has a secret power of bringing me back to the past. There was 1 day when I slept by holding it and I literally had dreams about my younger days. The one at night was about me back in my secondary school days while the one at day was about me throwing tantrums to my siblings that ended up with me slamming the door and "Please get out of my room NOW!". Haha... I love you ui but I am not going to hold you in my arms when I sleep anymore.

Yesterday I decided to visit a few facebook pages that used to have Johnny's videos. They stopped uploading and removed their videos a few months ago citing copyright issues. Guess what? Now they are back!! Yay!! Haha.. I am not gonna say which pages so that JE does not harass them. I am pretty outdated so I was quite sad and shocked to hear that SMAP will be disbanding after this 31st December.

Time flies and Sexy Zone is already celebrating their 5th anniversary. Wow.. They are no longer kids now. I no longer 'followed' them after their 3rd album. I just got their fourth album which is horrible. The singles after their third album are not very nice and hence I don't follow this album but the other songs are not better. I think they are really losing their direction as they attempt to shed away their child image. Their newer songs simply no longer have the Sexy Zone feel and they will just end up as any other Johnny's group who has gone forgettable now.

They sang a medley in one of the Shounen Club episodes and I have mixed feelings hearing their older singles with their mature voice now. Yes it is more refreshing but at the same time, it reaffirms my perception that their voices are not unique enough to be recognisable. With songs which are getting more and more generic, it is really a journey towards obscurity. Sadly their 5th anniversary contains just copies of their previous singles. I would be less disappointed if they at least re-record to change previous boyish voices to their teenage voices now. Anyway, the new original songs for this album are also as forgettable as those songs in their fourth album. Oh ya, the title of the fourth album is Welcome to Sexy Zone. No reference to number 4 at all unlike all their other albums: one Sexy Zone, Sexy Second, Sexy Power, and 5th Anniversary Best.

I am waiting for my download quota for Hey! Say! JUMP's latest album so it is better not be a disappointment.

Old habits don't die

This is the first blog post since I reached home last week. As always, there is so little time for the so many things that I need or want to do. So far, I am done with 8 months worth of comics, I went for my hair cut, I bought the things that I intended to buy (working pants, L-men, bar soaps), I bought new plastic containers and tidied up my room, and most importantly, I am done with my procrastination for the cover letter to finally complete and submit my job application.

1-2 days before flying, I was so upset and stressed over the condition of my room. It is so full of toys and yet I find it difficult to choose any to bring over to Jakarta. They are either too big/bulky or I love them too much. With the limited space, I know I have to quit this hobby very soon. The same sentiment is repeated today while I was packing my anime artbooks and toy over at my room in Jakarta. It is just as full as my room in Singapore and really I have to stop somehow. Ironically, despite all these negative feelings towards collecting, I was already looking for items at Amazon this morning. Gosh.. I really need some help.. This is really already like an addiction.

I saw a nice cabinet at Carrefour on Monday but unfortunately there was no stock :( I spent the whole day from shops to shops to find a display rack or bookcase for my room. With the limited space I have in my room, it is not easy to find something which does not exceed 50cm x 40cm dimension. That cabinet fits the dimension and comes with door for each level. Sigh.. The price is also reasonable at about Rp 500000.

The cupboard in which I store my comics are already at maximum capacity and I am literally out of space for all the comics in the past 8 months. I am desperate enough to use the space under my bed and it is not easy to find a container which does not exceed 20cm in height. I have been eyeing one from ACE hardware but it is very expensive at Rp 300000 per piece. I guess that is the price for the versatility as each piece can be stacked on top of one another to form a standing cabinet. Even my large 80L container box only costs Rp 180000 each after discount. I still can't justify the Rp 300000 per piece but I think I will be desperate enough to eventually buy it. Unlike toys, I don't see myself stop buying comics as it is the only way for me to read manga because I hate reading scanlations.

I went for pre-Christmas confession before I flew over and I was telling myself that I hope to change: to be less negative and to be more positive towards this life. That hope is short-lived. I am still holding on to the wish of dying young. I don't know why but I get irritated when people ask when I am going to find a girlfriend and to get married. A part of me wants that kind of life but perhaps 90% part of me really just wants to die young. I am so tired of of living.. of working.. of everything.. Having girlfriend and then starting a family is like a responsibility for me to continue living which is against my desire. I don't know if I am weird. But next year I will be 30 years old and if I am still alive, I cannot keep on having this kind of thinking. Sigh.. Oh God help me...

It is already quite a long post and there are still a lot of things on my mind. I shall continue tomorrow. After all, it has been a week since my last post and I have been rather "free" for the past week to have a lot of things to think about. Lol.

Another chance?

In late October, my plan C was halted in the process as the job advertisement suddenly disappeared from the website. The same post was reposted last Thursday! Wow.. Is this finally a chance? Lol. Unfortunately, whatever I did in October was already deleted from the system so I had to do everything from the scratch again. I promise that I am going to complete my application this time -whatever the outcome maybe- since bonus just came in and January is a good time to throw letter. Haha..

Earlier this month, I saw the advertisement for my earlier plan B so it seems that they still cannot find people for like 3-4 months already. In my heart, I am secretly praying that they just give up hoping for someone with inpatient experience and just take me. What are the odds but no harm in praying.. Sigh..

Today I attended a colleague's wedding and I got a revelation about my rejected lecturing job. My classmate got the job. Grr... I have always disliked her since school days and now she did this to me. Damn it!! Anyway, that fact reinforced my belief that I did not get the job simply because of my pay. Assuming that what is being considered relevant for the post is only working and training experience, I may only have about 1+ more experience than my classmate. Perhaps that is not enough to justify my requested pay which I foresee to be 20-25% more than what my classmate asked. After all, she was not promoted when she left the company and she was not first class. Thus definitely my pay is higher and my requested pay was even higher. It is another self justification and although I am still upset about it, I am feeling better to think that I got rejected not because I am incapable but it is more about cost-effectiveness. Haha.. Yeah.. call me thick skin.

Anyway Christmas is coming and here is currently the hottest Christmas video. No pun intended here unless your attention is to something else. Lol. See the video and you will know what I am taking about.