Bad days

I am kinda in a shit mood lately. Exhaustion is the main reason but I slacked off my whole Saturday. Still, I cannot help but feel the endless exhaustion until now. There seems to be endless things to be done, but I am just too tired or too lazy to do so.. I intended on running at 6am on Saturday.. but before I went to bed, I just changed my mind and decided to store up my energy for the worse weeks to come instead of tiring myself even more. Sunday was gone for another rehearsal. Haiz haiz...

Yesterday lab was time consuming because of an ancient machine which read until one decimal point. Lol.. At least the lab was not as bad as the other practical sessions so I guess it was okay. Anyway it was funny that my group and the neighbouring group were the last 2 groups to leave. We both got that ancient machine and we could not believe that we were the last. Lol.. We have the record of being slackers and always wanting to leave lab the earliest. So it was ruining our track record. Haha..

After lab, I was greeted by a hoo-haa in my cca yahoo group. Someone bitched about me being "impolite" and "unprofessional" in my sms reply. Holy fuck! Totally unacceptable.. But of course nobody can beat me in verbal fight, especially if I am not in the wrong position. I guess the person was just pissed when reading my sms because I rejected his request. I managed to restrain myself from throwing personal attacks back and just explaining the reason why I rejected his request and given the circumstances of replying an sms, a short and direct answer does not seem to be impolite for me since I cannot give lengthy explanation thru an sms. Still, I could not help but to shoot back a bit: "If any of you wish for a professional or a business conversation, call me or speak to me directly. Sending an sms is absolutely not the way to conduct a professional or a business conversation". Anyway, he apologised (meaning I won ^o^) so I guess it was over.. for now.. LOL

Today was another bad day for me. The day started with me eating an expired bread as breakfast o_0. I even saw greenish stuff but half of it was already in my mouth. Hueks... I did not have proper lunch since the canteen was very very crowded. Even when the 12-2 lecture ended early at 130 today, the canteen was still packed. Oh well.. And the fantastic day was closed by a bitch spilling her lime juice onto my back.. Haiz.. fucking bitch.. I don't need your fucking stupid and insincere apology.. It could have been prevented anyway. How can someone pushed over a glass of limejuice out of the table in the LT? Haiz.. anyone but a bitch..

I wanted to do practical but because of the stupid juice thingy, my mood turned from bad to shit. I rushed to go back to wash my bag ($50 leh T_T).. Sigh.. Damn.. Now I am still in a shit mood.. There are 2 lab that I want to do, I wanna blog, I wanna play Crisis Core, I wanna eat McD, I wanna rest.. So many things but I am just too tired and too moody to do these :(

Bye bye Dumbo.. Bye bye Bugs Bunny..

I skipped lecture because I thought I wanted to sleep. Apparently I could not.. I am still to sad over the loss of my Dumbo and my Bugs Bunny.. and ended up wasting my time and my tears sob sob.. My mum irritated me more with her stupid comments like "Buy a new one" or "Buy a better one". I felt like replied back "What do you feel if your kids are gone after you take a good care of them for 10 over years? Go adopt a new and better one?".. Haiz damn.. I just kept quiet..

Just like I never like to play with cats anymore ever since my first kitten died, I guess I would never get new dolls.. It seems that time and memory play crucial factors.. Even with Hamtaro (my companion in Singapore.. my very first soft toy here.. and it cost only $6), I don't have that much sense of attachment as compared to my old toys back home..

I could not remember when I got dumbo. I only remembered I whined a lot to get it.. And I am pretty sure that it was not from my parents.. I think they never bought me any dolls (which sane parents will buy their sons dolls?). It was my fattest and biggest doll (my other dolls are skinny rabbits) so it was my only huggable one :( I used to play it with my sister as the "airplane" for our favourite yellow rabbit doll :) He flied by flapping his ears, he could squirt water through his nose, and he could do magic with his hats.. Not to forget that due to its size, I used it a lot to 'kick' my sister or threw it at her and vice versa.. Such memories T_T

The soccer Bugs Bunny was my first ever Bugs Bunny doll.. That time there were so many themed Bugs Bunny items.. I remembered that I still have the celebrity style (it has been gone since my house was renovated.. and I could not locate it yet) and the swimming one was from my aunt when she went overseas. The soccer one was a birthday present from my cousin and her ex boyfriend. Yup.. that time I was so crazy about Bugs Bunny and my parents would not buy it for me.. So I was so happy when I got it.. It was given with one set of pictures for me to coloured as that time I was still good in drawing and colouring.. Haha.. Nobody likes Bugs Bunny in my house.. Everyone calls it skinny rabbit.. and my sister always says that his face is so naughty. Because of that, all my Bugs Bunnies had naughty characteristics lol.. Always used them to kick and slap my sister and among the many dolls I have, I only don't let my Bugs Bunnies to be touched..

What makes me more irritated is the fact that both were not bought by my mum.. When my house was renovated, they were misplaced by her.. She forgot where she put. I had to dig out the whole store room to get them back.. I was so angry when I finally found them dirty.. but still, I took them with me and put them on my bed.. That was when (luckily) I still got the chance to picture them. After that, I had to come back for school already so I asked help for them to be washed.. And ended up missing.. sigh.. Not buying.. Misplacing and making them dirty.. not finding and finally losing them.. I really have nothing else to say :'(

Gone is gone.. after all they are just "things".. dead.. soulless and lifeless.. it's my childhood memories of playing with them and with my sister that made them special.. I try to tell myself that at least they had make me so happy and left me with so many years of good memories.. Perhaps it's time for me to pass them on.. and hopefully they would bring their new owners the same happiness and the same good memories that I had..

But the thought of them being abused and spoilt by strangers is so painful :( Afterall, I take a good care of them for 10+ years.. I still cannot believe that the Bugs Bunny price tag and the Warner Bros tag that I keep last longer than the doll itself. Sad sad sad...

Gosh.. I hope my eyes and face are okay for my performance later :'(

Fucked up day..

I am angry beyond angry.. Haiz.. I am too speechless even to shoot back.. I just still cannot believe it that my Dumbo and Bugs Bunny are gone :'( They are just dolls.. But they have been mine since I was a kid.. The sentimental value is just beyond money.. Blah.. I really feel as if a part of my life and my soul have been thrown with them.

My mum said she sent to laundry and forgot to take it back so it's gone.. Sigh.. I asked my sister and I was told that it was her that suggested that perhaps my mum sent it to laundry.. That means the dolls were gone since 6months ago.. AAARGH.. I am bloody fucking angry.. My mum no longer works and just rots the whole day at home. How could she forget this kind of thing? Haiz sucks... Fucked up la.. I really feel like wanna die.. Asshole!! Stupid people at home keep making my things spoilt or gone.. keep making my things and my room not like mine.. Sigh.. Perhaps I should just spend the rest of my time here since my prescence is no longer considered at home..

Haiz.. I wish I took more photos T_T and I really wish that this time my mum misplaced.. not that she sent them for laundry T_T

What an awesome day.. I had a fucked up lab session with fucked up lab assistant teacher.. I had not enough sleep for I don't know how many days.. And I see my calendar to discover that in 2wks time I will have 2 CAs and 2 CCA performances happening in the same week.. I don't think I will have the time to sudy.. Sigh..

Fuck fuck fuck...

I have been so busy ever since I landed on Singapore. I had so much to write but so little time. By the time when I have the time (like right now), I forget the things I want to write already.

Anyway the plane that I boarded was so full. Lol.. Typical of last day of school holidays, there were so many students were on board. I met another 2 friends on the same flight. After reaching Changi, we waited for another hour to take cab together with another friend who took a later flight. We ended up meeting another friend. We wanted to take the van but each additional stop cost $10 extra so it was cheaper to take 2 cabs.. I got a big cab.. the cab is like the van (but normal cab price). What a waste.. all 4 of us could have shared that 1 cab only.. instead of taking 2 cabs.. Lol..

It was a foolishness to believe that year 3 sem 2 gives a relaxation after 2 semester of torture.. The torture continues.. I lost pharm anal by the second lecture.. In addition, having CA even before the CNY really sucks. Haiz.. Anyway week 1 was just over. It was the craziest week 1. I had like 5 days of CCA (including the sunday!). Oh mianz.. I already feel like pangseh-ing my red cross project because it only gives me filthy 4 points. Wtf.. I spent only-god-know number of hours on that and I get the same points as shaking angklung for 1 performance! Jeez..

I worked during an R18 show last wed. Haha.. It was an R18 because there was a scene where a lady bared her top.. It was kind of a redundant scene o_0.. Interestingly, the advisory was: no kids under 6! LMAO.. that means any kid above 6 can watch it.. That's so lame la.. On the following day, when I went to Kino, there was an anime book with the advisory "not for kids" or something along that line.. However, at the cover itself, there is already a picture of a naked girl. Oh la la... Really lame la -___-

Lab will start this week.. And I have 4 cca events within the coming 3 weeks. I have no idea how I can survive.. and I don't know when I have the time to blog another time.. My J-doramas end up neglected and collecting dust in my harddisk. Sigh.. Perhaps can only have the time to watch during CNY aka mid sem break.

Last thing I want to whine about: my pick for GEM this time is an utter failure.. No lecture notes are provided :( And the physics is just too cheem T_T

Bad Start of the Year

Jeez school has not even started and I already got vexed over modules. Sigh.. It will be my last elective and it is just a fantastic closure of the electives that I have been choosing. Hmm.. Idealism of a freshee aside, it is unfortunate that I have to 'waste' my education opportunities for things which fit into my timetable, instead of the things I really need/want.

The interesting modules that I want to take always have a group project component. Thus, it is quite hard for me to do alone. I failed to make new friends in my Chinese classes so it is just impossible for me to get a good group if I another solo thing. Lol.. As much as I think that I am a warm and friendly person, I am still too shy and cold (or perhaps arrogant?) to make new friends. This time again I cannot take the module which I am interested in for the same reason. Perhaps it is a pity for me to choose such a shitty course full of shitty people: those who only want to get good grades (I hope you fail to get your good grades) or those who cannot stand being alone and take what other people are taking. Basically people with no integrity.. no interest.. no nothing whatsoever. Well, of course there are people who have but unfortunately their interests lie very differently from me. Aaah.. Indeed being independent is the right attitude in the world filled with assholes and shits. I wonder why it is so hard for me to find someone with similar interest, attitude, style, etc.. The ordinary sucks and I don't want to be ordinary..

As much as I hate the things I cannot change (aka other people, environment, etc), I hate myself for one thing: being so stupid. My dad is having gout and now he is taking allopurinol, statins and fibrates. I learnt these stuffs but I had no idea what they do specifically or how they are to be taken bla bla bla.. Basically I am wondering what I have learnt for the past few years. I am just ill suited to do things related to other people lives.. Aaah.. fast forward to 5 month ahead, I will just be screwed for 6weeks in god-knows-which hospital I will be sent to.

Bah looks like I am falling to a self-curse mode again.. My chest is heavy and I won't be surprised if my stones will break or crack tomorrow. I can feel the bad energy vibrating and resonating through myself.. It is slowly sucking my life.. Bleah...

Nodame Cantabile Special Shinshun in Europe

Synopsis:

Continuing the TV series, these 2 special episodes open with the graduation of the final year students in Momogaoka College of Music. Some continue their education in Europe and these SP focus on Nodame and Chiaki in Europe. The first episode is about Chiaki: his competition as a conductor, followed by his first debut. The second episode tells Nodame's struggle in Europe and her first recital.

My opinion:
Sugoi sugoi sugoi!! I definitely love this better than the original TV series. First and utmost reason is because most of the film has Europe (France) as the settings. I am thrilled with the scenery and building: the castles, the architecture style, and the Christmas scenery in Paris wow... I am always fond of Europe. Lol..

Story-wise, there is more character development (mainly the 2 leads), although the challenges which Chiaki and Nodame face are roughly the same and hence repetitive. The development in the love relationship between the two is also something good (though the kiss scene is typical of J-drama kiss: so plastic, cold, and fake).

Humour-wise, it is few levels above the TV series. This time the jokes rely on the funny actings /words/expressions so I really enjoy the lameness and jokes. In the TV series, I hate the jokes which involve the hitting and being rude towards the females (these jokes are a bit trying too much in my opinion). My stomach really ached because Franck and Tanya are just super lame (read funny). The scene where Nodame learnt French in a cafe was classic but the expressions of the people in the scene is super hilarious. This time there was no hitting, but the "duel" scene in the Christmas night is somehow very funny and end in a very sweet way. Basically the comedy aspect works excellently in making people laugh.

The major eyesore for me this time is again too many characters without clear plots about them. They mainly serve as fillers (the Rising Star Orchestra people are cheerleaders, Ryutaro-Kiyora relationship is also just touch and go, Tanya&Franck are just there to make people laugh, and it's weird that the small boy suddenly becomes Nodame's friend). These SP again makes me wonder whether the main character of the show is Chiaki or Nodame. Nodame's story is more poorly developed (she suddenly gained the confidence just because of listening to Ave Verum Corpus in a church) and at the end of the SP, it again features Chiaki's first Europe debut. Another thing, I find it disturbing to see angmoh faces speaking in Japanese. Lol! They should just keep the subtitle and let they all speak French. But then I know it is kinda weird to watch a supposedly Japanese show in French. It would be like watching a French movie.

Afterthoughts:
A thing that I like from J drama is that many things presented are more realistically portrayed and closely resemble real life. Hence, it is no fairy tale and people can relate to them. In my own life, I also know that competition bring out the worst in me. It takes out the joy of doing something and often change my ownself for worse, making myself unable to be myself. Chiaki faced this with his rival in the competition while Nodame was jealous (in terms of love) and both fall into shit hole for awhile.

As a foreign student too, I can imagine similar difficulties such as language barrier, lack of friends, and inability to cope in class. Hence, I completely understand the desperation and the feeling of giving up and the loss of confidence. Sigh.. Perhaps one thing that I can learn from the show and apply to myself is to find a reason why I am doing things I am doing right now. Why am I studying in Singapore? What am I studying for? etc etc... Clearly money and enjoying a good life are not good enough as reasons for me to keep going.

In all, I really like it :) And I am looking forward for the 2 movies (one was out in Dec 2009 and one will be out in 2010). I hope both movies will be able to keep up with the good things: good humour, good music, nice story, etc.. If the character development is improved, that would be perfect. Hoho..

2010

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010
May 2010 be better (much better than 2009!)

I am late for the new year post! Lol.. But nevermind.. My new year resolution this time is to reduce the time I waste on Facebook. Hohoho.. It's for the sake of my eyes.. Sigh.. I am glad that I managed to get rid of Restaurant City before Christmas. I feel like stopping Pet Society but then there is a new cheat that I can exploit. Lol.. So I guess I will need to play that for some time too. I hope I can no longer crave for the game etc.. Better to spend my time on working (and earning money) and CCA points. Haiz.. My holiday will be over in a week and I am getting into mood swings already.. My CCA schedules for Jan-Feb are crazy.. and I still haven't thought of what module to take next sem..

For the new year, I am changing my facial foam from Biore to Acnes brand! Lol.. It all started with the samples my dad received from Rohto. Lol.. So far I 'feel' that Acnes delay the sebum secretion. I still don't know whether it is placebo or for real (has to be tested in hot and humid Singapore first lol). But right now I am just contemplating whether I buy the foam or the cream form.. The sample I am using is the foam but I think it is simpler to bring and keep cream form.. Both are the same thing so they should work the same rite... I hope soooo...

Anyway I have not been in a good luck lately. The DVD set that I returned just came back and it was still disappointing. Now the disc 3 is spoilt while last time, it was only the disc 3 which worked. Sigh.. I guess that marked my first and last time buying things online. It is so much convenient to buy to the shop and if there is any problem, just return and swap there. The person won't make so much noise usually. My Nodame SP ep 2 dvd was also screwed halfway so I had to download. My first download was corrupted files so I had to redownload a second time. Haiz.. with the limited time left, I am getting very agitated, especially with the download speed which dropped quite often lately. Sigh.. It is just a matter of time whether the remaining 20GB of my harddisk vs not enough time to download will be the limiting factor of my downloading spree. I should have listened to my gut feelings to bring home my external harddrive.

I just had another prewedding celebration of another cousin. Sigh.. I guess it is time for me to get married too... But I have not even have a girlfriend :( Haiz.. I looked at the guy and I think he is very nice and gentleman.. Comparing with me.. chey.. no wonder nobody wants me... Oh well...

That's all for me.. I wanna sleep soon.. My stomach has been overstretched lately :( Sad sad sad.. Fat fat fat..

Nodame Cantabile

Synopsis:

The story takes place in Momogaoka College of Music and revolves around the 2 main characters: Nodame Megumi and Chiaki Shinichi. Nodame is a talented girl who can play a song after she hears it once, although she cannot read musical scores. She is also unmotivated in her piano lessons as she dreams of being a kindergarden teacher after she graduates. Chiaki comes from a famed musical family and masters various musical instruments though his ultimate dream is to be a conductor. Both have childhood trauma which hinder them from fully maximising their talents in classical music. As the story unfolds, the two of them help to overcome each other shortcomings to eventually achieve their dreams of studying music in Europe together.

My opinion:
Few reasons on why I wanted to watch this initially were: a friend told me that it was funny and I knot that the story is about classical music, something that I like.

After finishing the whole series, I am pretty disatisfied with it. The jokes are more of 'lame' than 'funny' to me. And I hate guys who treat the girls rudely, be it with loud voice or rough actions, even though they are for humor sake. So the funny parts are a bit of no-no to me (the guy on guy jokes maybe quite hilarious but I have enough of that from the previous doramas I finished so it did not quite work this time for me). The classical songs featured in the movie are also not very grand to be performed (but that's only my opinion) though I pretty like the orchestra performance scenes.

As the title suggests, I would expect that the main focus of the story would be Nodame. But in the show, it seems that the main character is Chiaki. Most plots revolve around his orchestra and conducting. Nodame is sidelined until the last few episodes and the fact that piano is not featured in orchestra, it is not possible for Nodame and Chiaki to perform together. That is another minus point from me.

I hate the storyline to be honest. It was rushed towards the ends and the story just became weird nearing the end (Nodame sulking and the events leading to final performance was rather shitty). I feel that the S Orchestra part is nicer and serve as a better ending as compared to the Rising Star Orchestra. To me, a group of underachievers being handpicked by a famed Maestro to form S Orchestra (perhaps the only chance for these underachievers to perform in their whole university life) and to put up a concert is sweeter than watching a group of great students putting up performance just for the sake of money, fame, and gratitude towards Chiaki before he leaves for Europe. In addition, I like the S Orchestra performance so when it was repeated again at the final episode, it was boring.

I also hate Nodame's parts in the stories. It is just lame for her to procrastinate few days before her competition and she managed to do well. I know she is talented and all but it is just too good to be true. It becomes even more ridiculous that she went through the second round even though her first song was played horribly. And I absolutely hate her expression (moody, sad, emo) as she performs. Yuck yuck yuck..

The character development is rather pathetic too. There are so many characters but so few stories revolving about them. It seems that they are just there to fill positions for the orchestra and nothing else. I do not understand why near the end, they introduce another guy (who also like Chiaki) in the orchestra. Isn't one gay character to make the humours enough? But I have to admit that the long-haired violin girl is very pretty and feminine :) Hehehe...

A few good things which I can say about the show is: the Maestro Stresseman. I love his accent, funny but yet cool and classy. Lol.. Other than that, my favourite part is the S Orchestra performance. They put some 'show' which is not normally found in classical music setting. I always like the ideas of breaking the norms to inject novelity to the boring normal thingys :) So bravo for that.

Afterthoughts:
After watching this show, I conclude that I absolutely have zero talent in music. Furthermore, I think I can no longer think that those people doing music are happy, nothing much to do, and just doing what they like. I am absolutely wrong. I see the music scores and oh la la.. I wonder how they can memorise and play those complicated and fast running notes accurately. Wow.. Bravo bravo!!

The show is also trying to portray classical music in a fair way. From Chiaki point of view, he learns free expression and personal intepretation in playing classical songs. This eventually leads to beyond normal S Orchestra's performance. From Nodame point of view, she learns that there are certain 'normal' ways to present classical music so despite of free expressions etc, there are some basic things which she has to follow. I guess this is applicable not only to classical music, but also to all aspect of life. We always need a balance between "following rules/traditions/tried and tested ways" and "doing something new/creativity".

Watching this also made me recall few musical experiences from my life. Before I studied in Singapore, I went for organ classes and there were always annual concert. I remembered those early days when I had to play in ensemble (during "It's a Small World" I was daydreaming and thank God I was sharing the melody with somebody else, otherwise it would be empty at the start), own solo concert (I was so stressed and stiff.. so ugly to watch as compared to a friend of mine who expressed his song through his swaying and body movements.. definitely much more pleasurable to watch), to my messy "Lemon Tree" song (it was my very last concert before quitting the course and yet people still clapped for me lol). I also remembered the time I did harmonica in JC. As assistant section leader, I was quite nasty. I barked at people though not to the point of pinpointing error to the persons who made them like what Chiaki did lol.. I remember my juniors asking me why I hated the harmonica box so much because I always banged it like crazy during practice when I did the beatings. LOL.. and I was especially anal when it came to ZEROs (yah.. it was absolutely ugly and confusing when people did not stop at the rests). And of course I was glad to see the beyond normal small group performance went through successfully. Well, harmoc is damn cheenah and you know how cheenah people are: very boring, do the same things, and do not want to do new things. So it was great to successfully force my friends to play a song while dancing at the same time. Though perhaps it was done pretty desperately (like in the movie) to cover up our weaknesses (I admitted the song I chose did not come out as what I had imagined when being played in harmonica) by showing light hearted and fun performance to make people laugh (and thus they misheard our mistakes if there were any).

Aaah.. such good old days.. One desire that I still cannot get is to be a conductor.. Lol I almost wanted to apply as student conductor for angklung but then the state of the club made me think that it was wiser if I ran to be a vice president to rectify commitment and latecomers problems. Haiz.. but still, I think it is quite cool to conduct things :D

Pig

All I have been doing is just eating, sleeping, downloading, and slacking.. Sigh.. I will just gain weight :( especially since I ate really a lot this holiday while I exercised very little. Haiz.. Today was mad. A cousin of mine forced me to go for food marathon.. We started with Sushi Tei, which as expected, was disappointing for me. My sister told me that they served fusion sushi too. But I guess her definition of "fusion sushi" with mine is totally different. To me, soft shell crab and ebi tempura are normal, not fusion sushi. After sushi, we continued with frozen yoghurts. I find it a waste of money (a small cup of it costs the same as a plate of 8pieces sushi.. I rather have a plate of sushi). I managed to decline by saying I don't like. Haha.. Actually I just don't feel that the price is justifyable. Then we went to another "waste of money" kind of restaurant for me: Pancious. Basically, the restaurant serves pasta, western food, and the most crowd drawing food: pancake and waffles with various toppings. Since I can have waffles at $3+ in Singapore, I find it extremely ridiculous to spend double of that price. Sigh.. In any case, I decided to try something extraordinary: smoked beef waffles. It was disappointing too. Haha.. At the back of my mind, I thought smoked beef as beef patty like burger or steak. I was like OMG when I saw HAM coming out. Oh well.. Perhaps I am just too stingy lol.. or I am just too picky over food.. or to be more positive, I have high standard of flavour.

I do nothing much other than watching doramas so I have nothing much to blog about. So perhaps, I just write about those doramas I have finished watching LOL.. I shall resume my driving tomorrow... and choosing new module should only be worried after the new year. Hohohoho...

Ho ho ho!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS 2009

May this Chrismas bring you joy, peace, and God's blessings

God bless you always
darkroseofsorrow