PR 2101: Dosage Form Design I

Regurgitation questions: I could not recall things
Calculation questions: I did not know what was happening
Conclusion: I am dumb

The paper was doable... I am sure many people would do well. I guess I am at the wrong course, wrong school, and wrong country. I wish I am somewhere where my talents are more appreciated.

At least my vanishing cream post helped...

SP 1203: Foundation in Effective Communication

Finally, the most dreaded module is over. Freedom!! Yeah yeah!! I guess if I am as hopeless as this module for all my other modules, I will not be stressed anymore after exam. No target... just went there to complete the paper.

Well, as the teacher promised, no surprise in the paper. Fact sheet was kinda tough. I am sure mine was too essayish. I know teachers hate that but I could not help it. Sigh... And I think I put my chromium at the wrong section. Too bad... I could not liquid paper or squeeze it at where I wanted it to be. For section 2, I left the transition error blank. That showed how dumb I am. Maybe the question setter thought this section was a give-away and the transition error was obvious. Well as obvious as she thinks it is, I could not spot it. Too bad... For essay... oh well... no time... 70 minutes worth of writing was only done in 40 minutes. I saw no relevance in the readings with the topic. There were 3 (darn!) readings somemore. Haiz... I could not finish well. My position, reasons, explanations, and writings were all shit. I had no time to check for language errors too. I spotted one on my last sentence though "meAt RDA" instead of "meet RDA".

A pass is enough for me. I know English is not my niche.

Next up is DFD. Haha.. I only recognised this on the packaging of my apparently ineffective acne cream: Vanishing Cream!! LOL. I could not recall what the composition of vanishing cream is, I could not recall it is what base, but I can remember it is in Ointments notes. It's a sign that I need to study.

EC 1301: Principles of Economics

80 MCQs were just too long and mentally challenging. Sigh... I slacked quite a bit and did quite slowly, I did not manage to finish the paper. I still had about 3 qns blank as I had no time to finish shading. There were some questions I tikam without even reading the questions or answers as the options were too long. Haiz... Will I get A?

The question paper was returned. No, I did not want to check!! I checked only the first page. I got 1 correct and 1 wrong answer. The wrong one is due to carelessness. I did that question lastly and forgot that steeper = less elastic. Haiz... Wasted. 3 Questions I could not find in the notes. So yea... I stopped checking. I think it will be quite bad and demoralising.

God, help me!!
Though I am very thankful that yesterday I called my friend and had an explanation on prisoner's dilemma. Quite a few questions on that came out. I hope I got them correct.

I know why econs is a social science. There is nothing scientific about it at all. All the mathematical models and graphs are anyhow used to explain things. That's why it is very difficult for science students to understand and it is very for us to get confused. They don't follow independent variable as x-axis and dependent variable on y-axis. Some times I don't know which variable change to cause what or what cause the thing to change. No matter what, it is more fun to do an non science exam paper. I shall take non science module for my UEs. Well... Must see whether I perform well for this T_T... and how many S/Us I still have..

PR 2104: Pharmaceutical Analysis I

Almost came late for school, thanks to the retarded and inefficient internal shuttle bus system. Seriously! Put some common sense into the drivers' heads or to whoever made the schedule. It is exam period and how can the bus frequency is so low! And how could no bus was running despite the huge crowd at the bus stop! Well, bus aside... It's time to review the paper.

It was rather okay. I managed to finish the section B. Although I know I did not do my best. There was simply no enough time. I know I HAD to write some more to gain more marks. But sigh... Thank God my last minute desperate attempt to do the equivalent statement was correct (Hallelujah!!). MCQ was a goner. I am scared a repetition of PR1103 again T_T Did not have enough time to check the MCQ so I really do not know how... Oh well... Miracles please... Divine intervention... With the 10marks+ disadvantage from CA and lab test, it is a bit slim for me to get an A... Haiz haiz..

Time to do econs... There is simply no time to finish my revision. HELP MEEEEEEE

One day before...

It's less than 12 hours until the first paper. I just can't wait for these periods to be over. It is so far my worst exam preparations. Out of 5 modules, I actually only revised 2. Sigh... There is no more time so yahz... too bad.. It is just too bad. I am also not mentally prepared for the exam. I am depressed, sad, distracted and lack of confidence. I simply cannot concentrate. I don't know why those boring games I would not ever touch during normal school term suddenly become extremely interesting during this time. Sigh...

My level 39 Wizard

I just received my essay and it was such a big dung bomb thrown on my head. There is no way I can obtain a good grade for the module. I am severely disadvantaged for my lack of command of the language. The teacher only pointed out the mistakes but not correction. I will never know what correct prepositions to put. Sad.. I see that content and organisation marks do not vary much but in terms of language, some people simply trash me by over 10marks. It will be another futile effort to boost up my CAP this sem... again... in fact, I think I will not be able to S/U my chinese as my SP1203 will be as bad as or even worse than it. Ah talking about chinese, I was so surprised and embarrassed that my chinese lecturer read my blog entry about the chinese lesson I had this sem. Oh noo... So paiseh... I still wonder how she knows about it.

I am very stressed and feeling very homesick. Yesterday I went to Kino and saw a boy shopping with his mum. Haiz... Kind of missing my mum who usually pays for my bookshop expenses at home T_T Yeah... I am sad that I invested in wrong book... I always think a $40+ book is always a pictorial book. Sigh.. I just literally wasted $30+ bucks over the book I bought. Sad.. All of these make me think again whether my decision to go YEP is right... Well too late to change perhaps..

The book that cheated me -_- Anybody wanna buy?

It's time sleep now. I hope my headache is gone tomorrow.

God please grant me a good night sleep, a good health, a calm & clearmind and a retentive memory as well as nimble fingers for my exam tomorrow. Amen!

Perhaps this is my last entry for the following 1 week. I need to concentrate and start my revision. Time is rather short :( I hope this semester's result will not be as disastrous as last semester. I think I am quite positive as so far my CAs are faring pretty well. Still disappointment is bound to happen. Just like my PR2101 practical test. I was pretty confident but it turned out to be rather shitty. Sigh.. PR2103 will be quite bad too. I am glad I was late this morning and I did not know my result. Knowing the average and mode is enough to demoralise me. Oh well... Sigh. Not a very good mood to start my revision. I really feel nauseated after knowing my lab results... Haiz... If only I did not know it was out. Shuck... Feel like vomitting

~ Knowing that I am stupid is one thing. Accepting it is another thing ~

No more CHINESE!!! :) Bye bye LAC 2201: Chinese 2

今天是最后的中文课。 Hurray！！ 我很开心. My agony for this sem is finally over. Haha... I wanna say a big thank you for a lot of my friends (I know they won't read this) for all the help rendered to me: for my chinese blog, for my chinese essay, for my chinese assignments, for my chinese performance, and lastly my chinese oral today. Without you people, I will not survive. Special thanks to my senior who lent me "senior's report". Thanks a lot... Without that, I will not survive too.

The final paper was even worse than the mid-term. Slim chance that I would get what I did for mid-term. Well, miracle may occur one more time. Haha.. But no stress. I want to S/U it and mission is accomplished.

Lol.. It has been a great chinese classes this sem. Seriously I kind of sad for it to end. Thanks a lot to my tutorial teacher. So sad that she is not considered as NUS staff as I cannot nominate her for the teaching award thingy. Thanks to her that this is the only class that I have 100% attendance, despite the fact that I don't understand 90% of what people say. Well... Great tutorial friends too.. If only I can get to know them better. Haha.. I am glad I have some Indonesian classmates who always help me in class.

The journey does not end here. I definitely am not going to read Chinese 3. But I will buy the stuff and learn it at my own pace. Hopefully, my chinese will improve. Who cares about the pace rite? Lol..

So yah... 谢谢 and 再见. It has been an enjoyable module and classes. Had a great and crazy laughing session at class today. Lol...

If only... all modules are like this... with people like this... that's gonna make uni life so much more enjoyable.

Unhealthy Life

Studying and stressed over studies
Sleeping too late
Skipping lunch and had 4 packs of Mamee noodles instead
Suffering from constipation despite doubling my daily dose of lactose
No wonder my tummy is getting big
My weight increases
My muscle mass is gone

I guess I have to imitate Bhutan. Instead of striving for GNP (Gross National Product), they pursue GNH (Gross National Happiness). And so what? Bhutan is a very peaceful country with happy people. The people revere and love the king too. Similarly, instead of being stressed thinking my CAP (Cumulative Average Point), I should just concentrate on my NAP (no special meaning.. nap means sleep lol). But unfortunately when NAP increases, FAT will increase too :'( I must start exercising to cut down my excess fats. Cannot be overweight for Cambodia trip. I do not want to pay excess baggage because I am fat!

Yesterday's The Amazing Race was fantastic. Hoho I was so glad that the 2 kiasu bitches went home. That's the return for your arrogance to refuse the offer to cooperate with the other team. The team who was rejected ended up receiving help from another team and they survived. The other team who helped them was under penalty and they managed to catch up. Thumbs up for their willingness to help especially after they came last (but not eliminated) last week. Bravoo!! Lesson from the story? Go and die you all kiasu people who are very reluctant to help one another in studies, even for simple things such as lending notes. Anyway, I like the Bro-Sis team and the Mom-Son team. Dunno which one to support. Haha... The bro-sis team won few times already so I hope the Mom-Son thing will win some too. I think I will cry when or if they are eliminated.

Less than 2 weeks till exam. My preparations are horrible. In fact, I have not started yet. My final obstacle is tomorrow: Chinese Final Paper + Speech. Gosh...

Aunty..

I hate begging but I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed the FAPA thingy today. Haha... Like that I don't mind not washing cars at all and spend the whole day at FAPA. The day started quite badly for me. I forgot to bring my EZLink card and I only realised it before I took 95. I basically wasted 30 mins from PGP->95 bus stop->PGP. Sigh... I had to be grateful that I realised that I did not have the card before I boarded the bus. Otherwise how paiseh it would be. And guess where the card was? It was in the pocket of a shirt that I wanted to wash. Lucky #2 that I was lazy to do laundry last night. Otherwise OMG! I would have laundered my EZlink card and washed away the $40 inside.

Rich people are generous :) Oh dear God... please make me rich... I promise that I would be generous too... (Even though I am poor now, I am already quite generous... so if I am rich... you know I would be even more generous). I did not exactly 'beg' today. I did more of the admin stuff like receiving and collecting the money (hmm my favourite job) and writing down the names. I was quite stunned when given $50 (by the boss from one of the big pharma company)... well I never received that amount of donation before. That was why I almost died when I received a $1000 cheque. Wow... I felt rich for a brief moment. Wahaha...

I was very impressed with the Koreans. Wow.. They were very soft spoken and gentlemanly. I am jealous! I want to be like that too. I must learn how to speak more slowly and softly as what they do. My current accent is damn gross lah... I finally accepted that I am too aunty. I don't know is it my auntiness that makes me have all aunty friends or is it my auntie friends that make me aunty too... Well... another proof of my auntyness is that I chit chat with the auntie at the spectacles shop for 1 hour plus. Oh gosh...

I went to my parish church. And I have to say that my ex-choir is just getting worse. I don't feel like attending that service already. The songs of their choice really make me feel as if I am attending requiem mass. Seriously... too boring... too slow... too uninspiring. Haiz..

And what is the cost of friendship?
A piece of paper called Dean's List?
A few cents of smses?
Lecture notes?
People are just weird...

Faithful Leadership

I almost skipped today's CG as I was lazy to leave my nap. Hoho.. Lucky I did not do that. I enjoyed the sharing about the Saints and the topic today really made me reflect on my life. I realised I have been becoming a worse person. I always think that I was very evil by the time I finished my JC but now... well while from outside definitely I am nicer and less 'brutal', in the inside I am much filthier.

Service leadership is a concept I learnt from secondary school. Haha.. My secondary school rocks! It is true nonetheless. From my experiences, as a leader, you are actually a servant for the rest. You need to come earlier and leave later and you must do things for others. Yeah :) Nowadays, I am getting lazy to take up leadership position simply because I do not want to hold responsibility to be there all the time. I am lazy and busy... I have no time to commit myself for things outside studying (actually I am not even committed to my mugging). The worse thing is that sometimes I expect leaders to do stuff and not dumping shit to the members, even though I know that leaders already do most amount of work. Haiz... I guess all the studies etc make me a dull and evil person.

Heh.. Peer is a factor in my reluctance to lead anything nowadays. After all who wants to serve people they dislike. Lol. And I am losing purpose in my life. Last time in JCs, I wanted to have fun (no cca points at that time) and that's why I did whatever I could to have fun. But now... It all boils down to stupid cca points. Activities become chores and burdens, not interest.

The very touching part is the question about whether I ever felt honoured and humbled at the same time. Well, it actually kind of happen all the time when I see my results (grades). I am honoured that most of the times, I am doing very well. Yet I am humbled that what I achieved is not purely my achievement. I believe that my prayers are being heard. I know how hopeless I am most of the times after exams and I know it is all not because of my power alone. I am humbled as I know many people are studying harder than me and yet I am still blessed with good grades. Unfortunately, there is no way that I can 'pay it forward'... There is simply not enough opportunity this time around to pass forward the blessings that I have received.

I guess it is time to analyse and reflect on my life so far.. to find what is wrong and how things can improve... I seem to be happier right now but deep inside, I am feeling empty, unhappy, and I know something is wrong. But I don't know why..