SP sucks. Haiz... I looked at the poster until 230am on Thursday night (which actually was already Friday morning). That made me waste all my Saturday sleeping away. My sleep debt may not only due to SP. Too many things sucked my energy and enthusiasm. I slept for a total more than 14 hours today. I had numerous nightmares (SP essay needs to be redone, having a celebrity friend,

I am really glad there will be no more lab next week. But still, there are a lot of things to do. There are 2 lab reports (and I only finished one), Pharmacostats CA (which I have not read at all), more SP (I don't know what it will be), Pharmacostats stupid lab test (I don't know how to prepare), Chinese quiz (I have only read 20 out of 50 characters that will be tested), my econs webcast for last week, econs tutorials for both last and ths week. Gosh!! And oh great, I have to skip econs lecture for yep meeting on monday. That makes me owe 2 webcast lectures :(

Haiz.. talking about yep... I have to honestly say that my passion for it has finally died. Haiz... I just feel lonely and do not belong to the group. I sense no team bonding whatsoever. Oh well... I don't know how I am going to survive. Sigh..

CCAs are becoming chore to me... No more excitement and motivation. The people suck.

Yah... basically I feel lonely.. Don't know it's because I am tired or what.. Maybe I am just weird. And I am really alone. Well, I survived JC days alone so I should be able to manage this time too. I guess it's time to repair my prayer life. It's ironic that I have been neglected The One who is always faithful to me. And it's sad that I always feel lonely... I have forgot that I have the best friend in this world :) If only He will just talk and stop bullshitting "I speak through the people around you... your friends". I don't have any worldly friends so I cannot hear Your voice through these non-existant entity called friends. Please make Your voice more audible.. even if it is in my heart.

Psalm 121:5 - The LORD watches over you. The LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night

Chinese Class

Wednesday is the day for me to rant my frustration after my chinese class. Today's mid-term was as horrendous as what I expected. I could not understand like 50% of the paper -_-. So many funny words that I never used before. I really don't know. Haiz... I hope can get S la!!

The tutorial was better this week. I was not as lost as usually. However, I was still lost!! Haiz.. There were some interesting things though. Firstly was 老师 said my face is 和气. Lol. She said I always smile in the class. I am very friendly and therefore people like to talk to me, ask me question, and are not scared of me. Haha... If only she knows, I am almost laughing all the time during the class because I hardly understand what is going on. It is the laugh and smile of desperation. Haha... Secondly, the teacher heard me and my friend are studying FARMER instead of PHARMACY. Lol.. Then she started to say things like we learn how to plant stuff etc. I did not really understand but from her action, I could roughly tell. Then we asked what "X X" means. (X X are the 2 words she used to say the farming). Then we were all laughing like mad when we corrected her. My friend was laughing until her face turned red. Lol.

The teacher is getting more creative and today she started on asking people to go in front for the rest of the class to question us. Oh gosh... If there were an oral test, I will die for sure. I hardly understand the questions asked. And worse, I don't know how to answer. Haiz... My chinese sucks!! That's the conclusion.

Okay, it's time to flame school now. My chinese quiz last week as bad as expected. Shit!! Just because I made a ultra mega stupid careless mistake. My chinese agony continues as there is a quiz next week. And the performance... Oh my dear God...

I am glad that this week is the last practical week. I hope next week onwards I can buck up with 8week worth of school work. Haiz... I am not very optimal this week. It's all because of last week. Sigh... SP is a total burden. I am glad that I have such understanding group mates. They tried to understand my busyness and attitude because of my chinese test today. Thanks :) I greatly appreciate it. It's chiong time tomorrow. I hope we can finish the dumb poster draft tomorrow as painlessly as possible.

I don't know what to study for prac exam tomorrow T_T... desperate...

Yummy Food

I am going to talk about good and value-for-money food which I already ate for the past few days.

The first is the $3.90 promotional meal at the MegaBytes. I had my dinner there on Friday. It was ridiculously filling. With such price, I got chicken chunks, butter rice (although I could not recognise the butter taste), coleslaw, fries, and soup. That was a lot for $3.90 set meal (as compared to the equally priced Chicken Chop set which includes chicken, mashed potato, soup, and vegetable only). Hehe..

Secondly, I tried the Wasabi Fillet-o-Fish and Wasabi Shaker Fries (or whatever the proper name is) from McDonald's on Sunday afternoon. Lol... Authentic wasabi flavour although I found the salad type of vegetable in the burger did not really go well. The green tea was also surprisingly sweet and tasty. Haha... I never had such a satisfying McDonald's meal. Perhaps my extreme hunger contributed to the increased utility lol.

As Aston's was gone since 2 weeks ago, there is a new western stall at PGP canteen. I intended on trying it today. Surprisingly, the menu changed from what I saw last night. The stall mentioned 'trial operation' so yeah... In the end, I had my dinner at the Gourmet Cafe today. Lol. After 1 year plus staying at PGP, I never tried eating there. Guess what? It is a very good place to eat. I was surprised that the price is actually cheaper as compared to Astons's or the western food stall at the other canteen. The portion was not small too. Plus the ambience, $4.80 for a carbonara spaghetti was a good bargain. The cream was thick. Slurp... Delicious!! Can eat there more often.

So yup... Weight gain is expected haha...

Lastly I would like to thank everyone who has helped me to complete my survey forms. May God repay your kindness :)

I return to my most powerful weapon when I am angry with someone: total ignorance and silence. I do not know whether it hurts more than direct verbal abuse but according to my roomate last time, silence is worse and more irritating. Well... too bad for messing with me.

HIP HIP HURRAY!!! The week that I dreaded from last weekend has finally over. Yeah!! Hoho... Today carwash was not bad either. Gosh... only today I managed to 'beg' money from people. Gosh...2 people somemore... Thank goodness... I hope those people who were very nice to me will be blessed with good karma. And those who weren't... I shall not say... From today's experience, I conclude that I feel more comfortable to work with girls and I am more comfortable to beg from aunties :p

My pharm anal is confirmed to be dead already. The error that I made was said to be 'fatal' by the teacher. Oh well, I hope I learn from the mistake. And those who did not make the mistake will learn it during the final test. I just wish the marks are released today so as not to spoil the following week.

Next week will be disastrous too. Pharm anal lab test, chinese (yaiks!!) mid term, and pharmacostats lab (this is damn dumb and ridiculous!! last week it was said to be a bonus grade if can complete the assignment but this week it became a GRADED assignment. what the shit!!). The survey crap is also crap and my SP essay is still going nowhere. I am very lazy to see that. I am doing my dosage form practical report now. And that reminds me of my late flame photometry submission.... No stress but I hope I won't get penalised because of that..

Attitude boy...

Let me say about good and funny things first before I go to the darker and sorrowful ones. Continuing my previous post about the new song I found, below is the video clip. Lol. Girls will find it cute of course... To me they are a bit... Ahem... Nevermind haha...

doobeedoobeedoo~~~

Below is the logo of my new CCA. Haha... I found it from one of my friends who put this as his facebook profile picture. I guess stressed people make this kind of thing to kill their boredom (just like me who is wasting precious time to blog and not to sleep or to study :p). I think all the students are automatically members of this CCA upon their matriculation. Lol

One last piece of good news is my performance for my econs CA. I was surprised... It was unbelievable.. I felt like I hit a jackpot... I never dreamt of getting such a high score. Lol... Actually I was a bit hopeless la. That is why I am so happy for this. The raw score is not exactly very high.. But then... it's the era of the curve. So it is pretty encouraging. I hope I can keep it up. I believe in miracles... I hope it will occur again to me :)

Okay... here comes my rants and complaints about my sucky life this week.

First on the list is carwash (the list is not based on the degree of pain it inflicts on me, but based on the interest value). I was pretty happy for it initially. Well, I never did it before so I was quite eager to do something new. But haiz... My timetable is so packed and screwed that all my carwashing schedules have to be squeezed into the ONLY break times I have. That totals up to 14 hours of non-stop school stuff (inclusive of CCA) on Monday and Tuesday, 11 hours on Wednesday, and 11 hours on Friday. That left me no time to study whatsoever throughout this week. Haiz... Before I go to the shit I have for next week, I shall say more about carwash. I hate being rejected. Haiz... Maybe I just have no marketing skills.. I prefer washing cars (at least I know how to it now ^o^) and I had great time with my washing partners for the past 2 days. Hoho... Interestingly, yesterday someone voluntarily approached me to get his car washed. Woohoo... Today, something similar happened. Someone asked about what the carwash for and after a bit of blah blah.. she donated.

I have to say carwash persuasion is even worse than flagging (due to longer sentence to be said). Well, cannot curse the people who do not donate but I just cannot help to see them badly. Haha.. Maybe it was because I never donated to someone who approached me on Saturday (from my old school somemore!). Nevermind... So yeah, I have been blackfacing throughout the week. Today was exceptionally bad... I was too occupied with my worry over my Chinese quiz. Gosh... I guess I contribute very little to the YEP team. Haiz... Too heavy schoolwork and cca commitments... Well, if they want to kick me out, I guess it cannot be helped haha... But I want my money back lol..

So yeah.. my Chinese quiz today was bad. I am dead already haha... 5marks out of 20 were totally gone. I was not sure what 正在 means. I should have listened to my conscious and write something safer instead of writing a sentence which assume 正在=现在. So yeah.. Officially a white flag for my LAC2201. Haha... Already target it to be S-ed but I guess now I really have to cut down time on that to study something else haha..

Well.. just to list out the shit that I need to clear up in the coming days..
Tomorrow: Pharmacostats and Pharmanal tutorials.. -> NO way I can do it already
Friday: SP survey, Econs tutorial
Next Week: Pharmanal Lab exam, Dosage Form lab report, (possible) Pharmacostats CA plus the fact that I need to catch up with the tutorials, 5 pages of Chinese homework, Chinese Mid-Sem exam (which includes stuff from Chinese 1) -> materials from 1.5modules, SP essay

That explains my stress condition... I don't know how I am going to survive. I think it will be perfect if pharmanal and pharmacostats results to be released before Friday... The weekend will be a great time for me to leave this world... Though I am quite glad that I was not very sad for my Chinese failed test today (and the below average score for my compo test).. The worse is yet to come...

I just don't care about how I present myself already... I don't care people call me slack, have attitude problem, etc... They suck! They don't understand my stress. So I don't care. I even said "Maybe we can write bullshit about ...." for my practical report when the Prof was behind me.. And she said "Hah? You want to write bullshit?". Well, it's okay.. Just mark me down if you want. I simply cannot be bothered.

OMG! So long... If only I can write my SP essay as fast and as fluid as this. Lol

End of the World

The news in newspaper is getting more and more depressing lately. For the past few days, there have been articles speculating whether there will be another Great Depression due to the lastest uproar in the Wall Street. Haiz... I read and read but as I don't take econs (my econs has not reached macroecons yet) I don't really understand what is going on. It's just that... Well... If history were to repeat itself... there will be another World War lehz... Haiz... Stress de... Maybe I should just commit suicide now... I hope nothing whatsoever happens and the US$700billion bailout does its job la...

Next up is the news that melamine is found on vegetables from China. The source is thought to be the pesticide. Haiz... Even vegetables are not safe now... In Korea, Kit Kat and Mars bars have been withdrawn due to melamine too... Gosh... I am still feeling very blessed that Milo is not affected.. I cannot imagine if for the past few years my milk is Dutch Lady (it's one of my favourite brand back at home). Though the milk here is produced in Malaysia, I would still be freaked out.

Okay, come to a lighter mood. Hihi... As I was browsing online yesterday, I found this song by WaT. The title is Tokimeki. Though I found the guys are a bit gay... their songs are pretty nice. And this one (I use it as my blog song now) is quite cute I think... Got the doobeedoobeedoo.. Lol..

Okay, I am stressed!!

Lonely

Aargh... I am having mood swing again. Only a few hours ago that I felt this weekend would be good. This will be the first weekend that I feel quite light-burdened. My SP conferencing is on Tuesday. With no more CA, that means I have nothing much to do this weekend. But now... Haiz... I am feeling like shit already.

I just realised that I have not chiong-ed my chinese assignments. Haiz... Chinese... Chinese... So much I hate you... After compo test this week, next week will be quiz 2, and next next week will be mid-sem exam. How much more do you want to torture me? Just for an S! :( Still have show and tell as well as group performance at God-knows-when. I just hope I got a group filled with fun people.

I am starting to get very worried over my schoolwork. That successfully cut down my online time. Today's Dosage Form Design tutorial made me realise how much I am lagging behind others. People are already studying up to ointments while I have not even started at rheology. The worry made me buy the textbook. I just hope it is not a wrong investment.

I have to submit visa for my Cambodia trip. Haiz.. my stupid country is again lousy... not exempted from the visa application. Sianz... I don't have time to go there lor... The visa form cannot be downloaded online (broken link) somemore... AAARGH!!

And tomorrow I have a full day of CCA. Sigh... My life cannot get worse already...

I feel very lonely... Nobody understands me... Not even my parents... Not even God.. Maybe I am just weird...

Happy Children's Day :p

It's October already.. The CAs season is finally over. And sadly, my CAs were horrible this time. My econs on Monday was pretty horrible. My pharm anal on Tuesday was a disaster. I could not do the second short question. 20% of the paper was gone. The Chinese after that was pretty bad too. The topic was about school or about tea house. I chose the latter. I wanted to do about school as I was already expecting that.. But foolish me.. despite my spotting, I did not thorougly prepare. I decided not to write that as I did not study how to write canteen. I realised I would have too few words if I wrote about friends and lessons only. I was already preparing for food and thus 'can'. The 'tin' is just below that 'can' at the book. And it is so simple to write. Wasted siah...

That is a summary how bad my CAs are. I was so down yesterday. It appeared that my poor performance last sem did not really immunise me towards the feelings of doing badly in tests. Haiz... I realised that my worst module for every semester is always PRxxxx module. I am so dead... It's all PRxxxx now.. I think I am so useless.. and so stupid... I am just mediocre in everything... Shit...

3rd level flooding...
It rained so heavily yesterday...
On the left is a picture taken on the staircase towards 3rd floor from the backdoor of LT 24. The water was flowing down the steps. How poorly built the campus is... I did not take the picture outside the male toilet. It was a total mess as the water from outside drained into the male toilet adn down the steps -_-... At night, it was raining again at PGP. I had no idea how could my corridor be flooded. Luckily the flooding was not in front of the room. And surprise... the puddle of water remains until NOW. In 24 hours, there was like no evaporation... Another poor construction.. This is the picture on the right. My room is on the 3rd level also by the way haha..

Yesterday also happened to be St. Jerome's feastday. Haha.. I did not care actually. It was 2 of my friends who actually reminded me of that. I know the feastday is somewhere at the end of September (I thought it was 29th Sept though). My friends told me and wondered whether I picked him as my patron saint because of his sarcasm. Smart guess... Haha... And yah... for record... I had a CCA meeting until 1230 am last night... Crazy...

Today I went to Sentosa with my relatives who are vacationing here. I dreaded it initially. Well, what's so interesting about Sentosa right? Lol... Okay... I was wrong.. Thank God it became a good day for me. I felt like a kid again. Haha... Good children's day celebration. Well, the Underwater World and Dolphin are still a waste of money ($23 for both... cannot choose either...). Nothing is fantastic about the Sky Ride. But I had a hell of great time at the Luge and the gondola thingy (cannot recall the name). The Luge is basically a 'car' game... The track is gently sloping so I was supposed to control the luge.. Had a very good helmet (like those in TV games) and I had to secretly take picture of myself. It would be very embarassing if people were to see. Haha.. I was so obsessed until I deliberately stopped in the middle of the track to camwhore. Lol... That was a substitute of my F1 experience I guess.

The gondola thingy is so adrenaline-pumping. I was scared honestly. Haha.. It was so open and I felt so vulnerable. Especially when the wind blew... I was scared that my sandals would drop... I cannot imagine how those with strapless sandals feel. Lucky nobody smsed or called me. Haha... I was so scared that I did not take out my phone to take photo.. I was scared that my grip was weakened by the fear lol.. There were times when I felt just to jump haha... It has been every human's wish to fly perhaps haha.. This was more exciting and scary than the cable car though. Haha.. At the first trip, the cable car was quite a challenge to my mental. But after the gondola, the return cable car trip was easy. There was one very scary moment on the gondola thingy. During one sloping up portion, the thing halted. o_o My cousin (next to me) was more freaked out I guess.. She put her feet wrongly. Instead of putting the thing (I dunno how to describe) in between her legs, she sat in between the things. So.. ya... quite scary...

Oh welll... That was a fun day... Haha... I wish the Luge's track is longer and more exciting though...

Mid-Sem Crisis

Haiz.. This mid-sem break is really a break for the teachers. It is not a break for me... I really cannot take it anymore. The workload this semester is just too much. I am really breaking down...

Okay... I guess I shall start this post from Quad-Fac Bash at Zouk on last Friday. It was a big disappointment. Well, I was not really looking forward to go if not to listen to a junior singing. The item was scrapped. And the other items were like xxxx. Haha... So it was a pretty waste of time. The pharmacy dance was enjoyable though (I am not being biased here by the way. If they sucked, I will say so). The free drink was also somewhat disappointing. Haha... At least I know what Zouk is like, and I enjoyed the dinner. I would not go again next year though. Haha...

I had some interesting experiences though. Firstly, I suspected that someone molested me -_-! I felt someone was doing something funny to my stomach. It was not like a friend playing prank on me as I felt as if the person was going to pickpocket my phone.. not the usual joking feeling. Well, if it was really a friend, I hope he/she would identify his/herself hoho... Secondly, as I was wearing a full black attire, at one point of time, I was so shocked that I saw a lot of white spots on my shirt. I thought they were dust -_-! It was actually the light... So embarassing... A testimony that I never went clubbing before lol... Thirdly, I was a bit scared when I left (and it was only about 10pm plus). The people outside the club were a bit scary for me.

Next was retreat for YEP. I had fun playing the games. I found the retreat was a waste of time though. Too much time was wasted on games (Games are good but if they are too much...) and people ended up sleeping late to discuss the important stuff. Oh well... The alien/spiderman/watermelon game was very very good :) I enjoyed the soccer (surprisingly) although a very embarassing incident happened to me. I was goalkeeping and there was a time when I threw the ball away. I jumped and threw... I ended up on all four. -_-... lucky nobody saw me fall... So unglam de lol haha... Oh ya... before soccer was captain's ball... And the first ball that I received hit me point blank on the cheek. Haiz...

I am a bit worried about Cambodia. It was already damn hot here.. Haiz... I had a trial on using my thermal sleeping bag to sleep. It was freaking HOT! I woke up one time that night with my whole back sweating like crazy. And despite the thickness of the sleeping bag, I still could not sleep well as I still could feel the floor touching my tailbone. Oh gosh...

Today was another sucky day for me. I travelled all the way to Toa Payoh to get a new pair of specs (actually for spare) and sandals. The bloody optic was closed for renovation and there were no sandals under $20. WHAT THE HELL!!! 1 day was wasted. I went to Orchard after that. Wanted to buy $111.30 Valkyrie Profile book. I was seriously considering it. I wanted to get a $40+ and 2 $13.20 Code Geass R2 books. Gosh... I guess when I am really stressed, I am really in obsessive compulsion of shopping. I managed to hold my horses. I will check and make sure that the Valkyrie Profile book is fully coloured and nice artwork/illustration before buying. Haha. I ended up buying none of them because I bought a book called "Clamp in Cardland". Haiz... The book did not really meet up to what I expected it to be so my heart is still a bit painful for the loss of $29.40. Oh ya... out of nowhere, I decided to waste $6.60 for coffee cinnamon drink from the Coffee Bean haha... I actually do not like and do not drink coffee.

In my sadness, I went to Wheelock Place. Outside the Apple Centre, it dawned upon me that I was pretty foolish to spend $700 for cca points (aka YEP). Haiz... with that money I can get PSP plus IPod plus the books I mentioned above. T_T.... I guess the experiences from YEP would be priceless... Haiz...I am very stressed... I hate my parents... I hate cca points haiz...

So where is my story about studying? None... Because for Christ's sake... I haven't started any bloody revision work... My SP essay is also still 0% in progress. Haiz.. Chinese has become a chore for me... I cannot remember the words already... I really wanna give up... I am suicidal again...

Forgiveness

For the past few weeks, all the masses I attended always had the message of forgiveness. But I was still stubborn... until today. I do not know why. Today is the 24th Sunday of the Ordinary Week. The topic was really about forgiveness. Before the mass started, I read the readings first. And yes, I was really struck!! Ok, God, I will trust that it's your will. I shall forget the past and look into the future. I shall forgive.. Now the load in my heart was gone. I feel lighter =) The funny thing is that today the Church of Holy Cross was celebrating the Feast of the Exultation of the Holy Cross. Thus the 24th Sunday readings were not used. Funny... really funny indeed... though the church was not celebrating the 24th Ordinary Sunday, the short passage in the bulletin was about that: forgiveness. So if not because of it, I would not be inspired to open the missal book, I would not read it...

Well, below is the passage from the bulletin:

A New Lease on Life

Most of us have experienced how difficult it is to forgive. It is almost impossible. In Old English, it means "give to the uttermost", "extremely", "as far as you can go". Isn't that what it really is, going all the way? Wo can forget the hurt? Yet we should. Who doesn't see and feel the scars and keep the memories? And yet we shouldn't. Think of God: when He forgives, the evil belongs to the past. It is gone. God keeps no accounts. He want us to think only the future. Jesus did not condemn but gave new chances.

Ok, God! You won :p and Thanks!

I feel quite blessed this weekend. After the gruesome Thursday and Friday, I felt to fresh after sleeping for 10 hours on Friday night. Lol. The stress also at least put some urgency in me to do my schoolwork. I finished my fact sheet on Friday night, and my Chinese compo-blog was up by yesterday evening. At night, I mugged Econs too. Yay! I hope tonight I can go to Lecture 3-5 and hopefully I can understand with the help of the book.

Oh ya, my chinese compo-blog is here. Please leave comments :)