THE GREAT DEPRESSION

FROM TODAY ONWARDS, I SHALL CLOSE THIS BLOG FOR AN UNPRECEDENTED PERIOD OF TIME. I SHALL DO MY LAST BID TO STRIVE MY BEST FOR MY STUDIES. IF IT STILL FAILS.... IT'S TIME TO SAY GOODBYE...

Dear God...

Among the 4 modules that I am taking right now, I think anatomy is the best (okay.. CA on next Thursday aside)! It teaches me a lot of things that I never or perhaps, may not be able to experience in real life. Haha... Okay, maybe that applies only to the last 2 weeks. Lol. Though I was a bit sickened of the catheterisation last week, this week's parturition is quite okay. Maybe I could take it because I cannot imagine how it feels as I won't be giving birth anyway. Haha.. Too bad they never showed the whole process and hence I cannot tell whether the giving birth scenes in the movies are real or mere exaggeration. On top of that, now I know the difference between tampon and sanitary pads (I thought they were synonyms) and have seen various contraceptives. Lol.

Today was a black-jeans day. I do not know why but a lot of people were wearing black top and jeans bottom today. Haha... If the weather is not so hot here, I would love to wear black more often. It makes me look slimmer :) Although I cannot cheat myself of being slim, I can trick everyone else to think that I am thin. Haha... I was lazy to exercise today although it was a great opportunity as lesson ended at 330 today. And to make things worse, I finished a pack of sweets while studying. Oh no... Dear God... if You cannot make me thin, at least make my friends fat....

I am very tired today. I guess I had insufficient sleep last night. It is okay because I had a hell of great time yesterday. Hihihi.... Great day.. Today I was a bit moody, especially when I was reading the keto-enol. There are 5 molecules to draw the tautomers and yah... never mind, I will do it some other time. After anatomy CA perhaps. I am doomed for that because even up to now I still haven't touched any single chapter. Oh no... Dear God... if You cannot make me smart, at least make my friends stupid...

And this is a video for Alvin Chua :) Happy Birthday and see the hidden messages :)

7 Deadly Sins

Lust

Erm... I am too young to talk about being lustful. And it is not appropriate to talk about this thing publicly. Anyway, I do not normally lust after someone. I like or love that person, not lust after that person. But I do lust for certain things such as good food, anime, manga, toys, etc. Lol. Sometimes it is very difficult to prevent impulse buying for such things so I guess, they are no longer my hobbies. They have become my lust objects. Okay.. Enough... It is starting to sound a bit gross -___-

Gluttony

Oh no.. I will gain weight again. I will be a pig. Yesterday I ate chicken steak and beef steak. I had subway+old chang kee for lunch today and I am planning to have steak again for dinner. My cheetos has been sitting there in my room for 3 weeks, waiting to be opened and eaten soon. Haiz... Actually I am eating steak lately because it is from the new canteen in PGP. I know that soon the serving will be smaller and smaller. Now it is introductory time so they give bigger portion. Haha... I guess so...

Avarice

Let's talk about the money... Show me the money... I am still studying so money is still not on my mind. But I want money (lots of money) to fulfil my other desires eg: eating nice food, buying toys, etc. This is why I must maintain a C.A.P of 3.50. Otherwise I lose money... Money money... MY MONEY!!!!!

Sloth
Currently, this is my most sinful sin! I cannot help myself from being lazy. I am lazy to study... And the worst is I am even lazy to pray. Haiz... I have no more power now. I believe it prayer+study+luck to succeed in life. My luck is low and add that up to no study and no pray... I'm dead T_T

Wrath
I am very angry at myself. I know that I am lazy but I still do nothing about it! Sometimes I feel just like giving up and think of myself as stupid! This world is not a The Sims world anyway. I always believe that God created humans like how we create the people in The Sims. Every person is given the same number of 'bars' and how you distribute it will determine you characters' habits. So if someone is very good at something, he will be bad at other thing. If your stats is mediocre, then you are mediocre in everything. Unfortunately humans are created unequal. Some were born with more luck, more wealth, more talents, etc. I think I am a mediocre one... The Bible says something like: those who are given more, more will be expected of them. I guess little will be expected of me so I shall not pressurise myself also.

Envy
Kiasu virus infected me again one more time. I was quite devastated with my physio results. Haiz... I failed to be grateful although I met my target. This had to be because I compared with other people. Shit! I shall not compare already... I shall console myself that I don't normally do well for MCQs. Next time can be better... Ow shoot... this module is forever MCQ. I don't know how already...

Pride
In almost every list Pride is considered the original and most serious of the seven deadly sins, and indeed the ultimate source from which the others arise. It is identified as a desire to be more important or attractive than others, failing to give compliments to others though they may be deserving of them, and excessive love of self. Pride is the deadliest of all the sins and leads directly to the damnation. -> I took this from somewhere. I don't know what to write because there is nothing I can be proud of right now...

All sections are filled... I am very sinful... I am very dead....

L

Lazy

I am really lacking of self control... I cannot believe it that I had so much fun this weekend that I only managed to read lecture 12 of PPDA. I have not even prepared for my physio tutorial tomorrow. Haiz... 4 weeks left until exam starts and I shall really focus on my studies tomorrow onwards. I shall forgive myself for this week and anyway... I had really a lot of fun. Really lots of fun :)

Lips
My curse towards Angelina Jolie backfired! I always insult her for her larger-than-life lips and I think now I am in the progress to get that ultra mega sexy lips -_-! My lower lip is still constantly scratched by the wire on the braces and to avoid the same part of being scratched repeatedly, I have been pulling my lips upside or outside. It will be getting longer soon. I just hope the tooth faster move back so that the wire is pulled back also or that part of the lip gets immune to the scratchy sensation as soon as possible.

Love
L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone you that you adore

Fridays

This week is rather slack and I felt that I had so many fridays. Tuesday felt like a friday, thursday felt like a friday, and the friday is obviously a friday. Lol... Maybe friday means a good day for me.

No more lab on tuesdays so that means I only have 2 hours of Living with Chem on tuesday. Last tuesday was rather slack because the lecture ended early. And it was rather a happy day because someone made sushi. Hohoho... The moment I opened the lid of the food container... Yummy Yummy!!!... It smelled good :) Unfortunately the tuna was already warm, so it was not very nice. See lah... should have put japanese yellow pickles instead. But it was still good. Lol.

Thursday was another joyous occasion. It was Bunny's birthday and we celebrated it together with Bernice's (which was on the 1st October a.k.a PPDA CA). My faith in Bread Talk cake was revived. Last time I bought the vanilla cake dunno what and bleaaah it tasted horrible. But that chocolate cake was damn good! It was very chocolaty... I ate 1/8 of the cake and now I wonder how many calories I added on that day. Lol. But it is okay. I walked a lot on Thursday. After school I walked from central back to pgp and at night... when I returned home, the back gate was already closed. Holy cow! I had to walk back a long way via KR and all... I was a bit scared but I reached back safely and soundly. I was surprised that at 1+ there were 2 girls who were running and KR was still buzzing with life. Haha.. Although it was very tiring, the results of my 'exercises' on Thursday paid off. Today I am 58.5 kg. Then complacency kicked in and I cancelled my exercise this morning... Haiz...

Thursday is a very important day for me! It marks the very first time I ponned lecture in university. Oops... not exactly true because I got pon Living with Chem a lot but I guess I don't count it as a subject. Haha..

My mouth is still very painful. I cannot enjoy my food and I cannot eat fast. Hopefully it helps me to lose weight. Otherwise I am suffering for nothing.

I had a bad day!

Change all the YOUs to Is :(


*Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind*
*You can't change the past but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future*
*If you don't like something, change it! If you can't, change the way you think about it*
*Everyone has beauty but not everyone sees it*
*Thank God for what you have, trust him for what you need*
*Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gear*
*To get out of a difficulty, you must go through it*
*Happiness is enhanced by others but does not depend on others*
*For every 60sec you are angry, you lose 1min of happiness*

.....

It's been few days since the last time I wrote because I was busy socialising for the past 3 days. Haha... Had great fun though. I still believe that I am never ever able to study with someone else because I will end up talking and doing nothing. It is still true but at least I managed to complete lab reports on Sunday and tutorial yesterday. Although I was very tired, bored, and lazy to do yesterday, it was done. Spent quite some time just lazing around and ended up taking narcist photos. Haha.. It's okay.. I don't look cute everyday so while I look good it's okay to spend time for such purposes. Lol.

Unfortunately happiness must end there. I am feeling very very bored. My life is getting so monotonous. School work always zaps my energy. It is not as if I am so busy with school but I don't know how my time just disappears.... Haiz... I just hope the results of PPDA and Physio will be out asap. I think they will be a wake up call for me to start studying properly. It's 17/10 and only 4 wks remaining before 17/11 which marks the start of reading week aka mugging-till-crazy week. My physical pharm is still untouched. Add the new topics after the CAs and just the thought of it makes me sick.

My mood is very bad because of my mouth. I went to see the dentist yesterday and the visit increased my problems with my mouth. I only had tongue scratching the braces last week but now I have 2 new problems: a wire with scratches the inside of my lower lip and a protruding tooth which makes my eating process very painful as it will hit the other tooth on the lower jaw. Haiz... No matter how good the food is.. My mouth makes it bad. Horrible.. I hope the stratified squamous epithelium cells regenerate faster and form thicker layer so I don't feel very irritable.

Today I had lunch with a friend in Medicine. I am glad that she is happier already. Though she was complaining about anatomy... Again again.. I hear lame complains.. She got 75 and she wants 90. My friend who got 90 wants 100. I think those who got 100 wants no other people not to get 100. And if only 1 person gets 100, that person will wish other people get bad results.. Haiz haiz.... Lucky I have discarded this kind of mindset. No point of comparison.. Yes it is okay to compare and feel disappointed for a while.. But please be grateful once your target is achieved.

Crystallisation reminded me of my horrible chemistry olympiad practical round. Lol. Last time I was too impatient to put so much solvent and I ended up with no crystal. I passed up an empty plastic sachet and was desperately to sweep any powders spilled onto the bench top. Today, the reverse happened. I think there was not enough solvent (the instruction only wants 2mL so be it lor) and the 'crystal' that I obtained was the powder of undissolved reactant. Lame... I guess upon heating the 2mL solution evaporated. The %yield was way beyond 100 and I did not care about any spillage... (erm... I was busy sweeping the powders... to the floor instead of to the plastic sachet... lol).

My stamina is getting worse... Yesterday I just walked fast a bit to catch a bus and I was already running out of breath. Today I walked to library and at the slope near the YIH, I was very tired already. I wonder how I managed to walk all the way to Arts last time. Haiz... if I am in the good mood, I shall walk again tomorrow... But I don't know how far will I walk. Lol. Must exercise must exercise because according to the newspaper today, it reviewed a book which says "Being fat is your choice!". What the heck...!!! I do not choose to be lazy to exercise but I do not have the energy to do so... Not my choice lor...

Mwahaha... I think my friend will slap me for writing this. I do not know but he was saying sad sad from yesterday for dunno what reason. So I said "If you are sad, then I am angry". I think he really thinks I am angry... Lol.. I deliberately ignored his sms... Sorry ah... It is meant to be a joke... Whose fault for saying sad sad sad for no reason? And whose fault for lying to me? Haha... I still find this very hilarious and I hope he thinks that way :)

Dunno what to write as title

Today's workshop turned out to be better than expected. I was pretty stressed because I found that most of the people were pretty weird. Their enthusiasm was just weird and a bit too much. I am not the shameless one so I felt pretty akward. But hey... although it may take some effort to completely change my mindset into a businessman's mind, I took something back to be rich in the future. Now I know what passive incomes are and how they generate extra income with no need of working. "Don't work for money but make your money work for you" Kinda cool huh?

Meeting an old friend and my JC scholars clique. I was pretty upset that he never told me where he would be eating (thanks but I would not want to go find him with a clue 'Orchard') but in the end I was being nice and asked him. People have not change (I'm glad for that) although I am often disheartened when my smses to them are not replied. Well... Friendship is a weird thing and I get easily irritated about it. As usual, eating at the Village/Marche won't be fulfilling. Rosti is the only edible thing but oh well, good rosti anyway.

143 was full and what the freak... standing for 45mins... In the weekend which is also a public holiday, how can they provide single deck bus? Haiz haiz....

Treating myself

I am back to my normal today. No more confusion or conflict within me and I feel lighter (although my weight says otherwise). My day is great and the rain which wetted my laundry fails to dampen my mood.

Anatomy result is out. Hurray hurray hurray.... It has been more than 2 years since the last time I got 100. Result aside, it just proves that my secret of success has not change: hardwork+prayer+a little bit of luck. I was so lucky on the test day that even though I was falling asleep, I managed to spot the careless mistake I did for the pulmonary circulation and changed it. It was pure luck and God's intervention. What happens today makes me believe that luck is the most important factor for MCQ tests (does not mean to discredit God's help). I did not prepare at all (meaning I did not memorise anything, though I read briefly first 2.5 sets of notes) for Renal test and yet I got more number of correct answers than the CVS tests which I prepared very hard (I even read the text book for that). No hardwork and just pure dumb luck. After I knew my answers were correct, I could not even say why I chose those answers in the first place. I hope I am this lucky for physio CA and ppda CA. O/w it maybe a sign that I should just slack because I do better when I do not prepare :p

I had a dessert today. Haha.. Initially I wanted to have New Zealand to reward myself but after my dinner, the shop closed liao. I wanted to buy cup ice cream from Cheers but they had none. I checked the fridge part and I saw a weird looking nice thing. I bought it for $3 and okay.... It was a good (in fact, better) replacement for my ice cream. Though up to know I do not know what it is. It is like a soft cake.... I do not know how to describe except that it made me feel happy.

For the first time in about 2 months, I exercised!!! Lol. An obvious drop in performance but nevermind, while I'm 'high' I shall try to exercise more often tomorrow and the following days to come :) I had a very good nap after dinner. I was trying to remember the title of one of the harmoc songs. I could only remember it as 'anything will do" as what it was called last time. But now I remember the real title: Any dream will do. And now I shall continue on my Gundam Wing or maybe play game because it is more exciting. Haha...

And finally Alvin Chua Qijia, you smiled at school today! Lol.


~I don't stop fly high and sky high
Saa yume yo kagayake
Mada minai Boku ni deau
Sono kiseki Azayaka ni egakou~

My 2 selves

I'm tired. I had been sleeping for 4 hours only for the past 3 nights. Maybe exhaustion is the main cause I am feeling very down yesterday. I had a good 30mins crying session but today I still feel pretty bad. It's like I am losing the purpose of my life... What am I studying for? Is what I am doing worth my effort and my time? What is the relevance of everything what I do? Sigh...

One of myselves says that I should not be stressed so much about your studies. Everyone can study but whether you can master and excel in what you are learning is a gift. You may not be gifted so just do your best. Haiz... I wish I imitate the good old times in Indo when I was studying for the sake of studying; when I am trying my best for the sake of the effort, not the results. Coming here has really changed the way I think. I have too admit that I become too kiasu and too result-oriented. ARROGANCE is the very exact word to describe me. I think record of straight As in JC blew up my head. Now I cannot tolerate failures or difficulties I found in my studies. Well... I just need to learn from my experiences. I only need to graduate.. Upon working, all the results don't matter anymore. So I just need to know my limit and accept it. Today's lecture proved it. I could not comprehend anything the teacher was talking about at the second part of her lecture. Maybe that's it for me...

About friendship, I am glad with my current friends. They are great! Although most of the times I feel very sian to go school, I cannot put up my black face because they are just too hilarious and entertaining that my lips will just curve to the opposite direction. Hohoho... After 4 years... Finally I can enjoy people's companions. I'm grateful that these people do not talk about studies so much. Yes we talk about studies when exams are coming but most of the time, we would just talk about anything under the sun (to be exact: anyone under the sun). I feel that the friendship is genuine.

However, my other self really contradicts my former self. It feels that I am too lazy and I have not put enough effort in my studies. I should mug more and keep on mugging and mugging and mugging. Haiz... I am also sick by the monotony of my lives. Everyday goes school and goes along with the same people. I feel quite saturated. I run out of things to say. I do not know why. I also feel that there are many eyesores and though I know I cannot do anything about them, I am just too irritated by them. Sigh... It makes me hate the whole studying environment. I am just sick sick sick sick of everything. And I don't know whether the people I consider friends are real friends of they are just a bunch of 'friends' just because situation forces us to be together. That makes me even lazier to socialise and realise how lonely I am.

Well I don't know which one is correct. I am still finding the answers. The answers are not important! What I want is peace and happiness. I don't care about anything else. So my 2 selves, please stop confusing me and just reconcile. Haiz haiz... A blessing in disguise, in the midst of my confusion at least I realise that I have been neglecting my most loyal friend, who never leaves me alone in my high or low times.. That reminds me to pray more often...

Here are very nice songs and entertaining video clips. The first one is very nice to watch. Nice dresses. Hohoho... The second one is quite funny. Ah... Both make me feel that I am in love.....

IT'S THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL.
(Lol... I like the 'gotta let you know.. I'm irresistable')


SAY YOU'LL BE MINE