Red alert

I am very irritable these past few days. I continuously get interrupted to do another thing by my boss which means I have to stop the task on my hand. Today I also blew my fuse when she interrupted me with the thing that she was supposed to do. Aaargh... Okay I managed to hold it because as much as I felt irritated, the bulk of it came from myself. My boss never said that I had to do those things right here and right now. It is me who wanted to clear it as soon as possible so that I could move on to what I was in the midst of doing. It is me who hates the feeling of still having something incomplete at the back of my mind.

This makes me thing how on earth I survived in my previous job for 7 years. No wonder I was continously angsty as I had to multi-task all the way. It is not that I cannot multi-task. In fact, I can do it quite well. It is just that naturally I am not a multi-tasker so having to multi-task requires much more effort, energy, and patience I suppose.

While the weather still continues to be uncomfortably warm, the biggest downer to my mood this week is the realisation that I have not lost any weight. Then what is the point of me holding my desire for good food and junk food? This leads to the endless cycle of self-harm: I end up keep ordering bubble tea delivery (2 cups at one go today and on Tuesday) and I am still not exercising. Those bubble teas made it difficult to fall asleep which aggravated my bad mood in the mornings 

I planned to cut my hair last Sunday. I thought I reached early enough but there were already 4 people in the queue. I gave it a miss and until now I am still irritated with my own hair. My mind keeps telling me of this pending task which irritates me further. Bleah... As I was thinking of a good day and good place to cut, I remembered that it had been almost 2 weeks past the time when I can donate my blood again. I could not get any appointment slot so I shall walk in this Saturday and then have my hair cut after that. I hope this plan will go smoothly or else I will be damn pissed again.

My income tax statement arrived this week and FML. I will be paying double of what I am currently paying now. It is not as if I had a pay rise or big bonus. There is no rebate despite last year was COVID year. I feel even more emo after calculating that my pathetic pay rise this year is not even enough to pay the higher income tax that I have to pay now. It makes me want to change job but seeing that I hardly see a matching job within my expected pay from the daily email from Jobstreet, perhaps I am already considered 'overpaid'. I was so excited when I saw a job ad within my expected range and was thinking of applying. After I calmed down a little bit, I decided that I still value the flexibility and relatively low stress at where I am now.

I was so happy to receive my Kinokuniya book order today but that turned into anger as Kinokuniya sent me damaged books with dent hard cover for one while the other has shrivelled and bent cover plus torn spine. Clearly noone will buy books with such conditions in store so it is kinda obvious that they are just sending the junk stocks for online. Grr... I had to waste my time to take photos and send email. Not to mention that the voucher they promised to send me from two weeks ago still has not arrived. I don't even know if they have sent it out.

I saw a post that Tsume will be announcing another Saint Seiya figures (yes, plural because I think it will be a pair in battle) tomorrow. Instead of excitement, I feel more stressed instead. What if they are nice? That means I will have to spend and then I will have to think about space problems. So ironic to think about money when I have been splurging on bubble teas like mad for the past two weeks without guilt. Now looking back, I don't think when spending for food but I get emo over spending for online games. It is not the money, it is not the item, I think it is just my hormones and mood swings. How can it be that everything that happened to me this week only made me angry? Haiz just let me die is better.