It is the Valentine's Day so let's talk about love. I realised that in the past, I was so selfish and narcistic. I loved myself so much that I could not care about loving others. Currently, I am feeling the complete opposite. I do not even love myself that I do not even open my heart to love others. Either way, that's why I remain single and I do not regret.
Earlier this week, I met up with my hostel friends whom I last met 15 years ago. Wow.. Two of them are mothers now. This reminded me that in the past, I would find myself longing for a family on my own and I would get jealous seeing my friends who were already married. I no longer have such sentiment nowadays which makes me sure that married life no longer interests me. Seeing CNY family pictures also did not evoke any emotions. In fact, I am completing shutting down myself this CNY. I am not replying some relatives who wished me happy CNY and I ask my sisters to reject if anyone is giving me angpau. That way, I would be easily forgotten and noone would be sad when I die.
I usually post something for CNY but I cannot really be bothered this year since I have no more desire in life or to live. If things are good, they will make my life more bearable. If things are bad, I hope it will bring me (closer) to end of my life. Haiz.. Lent is coming and I am still dwelling in this kind of dark thoughts.
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