The weather here has been nice and cooling since Monday. I am pretty sure it is below 25 degrees. With pleasant weather to sleep and the tiredness from lack of sleep since last week, the temptation to be lazy is simply too big. I just went for my first Penitential Service. Last December I was very confused because of the new format. Now I know what it is: Opening song, opening prayer, a gospel reading, a short homily, and saying the Act of Contrition were done as a congregation. This is why after that we go straight for the individual confession. The service is then closed with a prayer and closing song.
It is ironic that I feel very dreadful and am very tempted to skip confessions, yet after the confession I could feel the grace and the blessings. It was a rather unusual 'trembling' sensation that reminded me of the unusual feeling of unrest (minus the feeling of warmth/heat) as I was queueing for my baptism. Today I was so tired, sleepy, and even wanted to go gym instead. Honestly I dragged my feet and I could not really focus in the whole process, even up to when I did my penance (1x Our Father and 5x Hail Mary). But in the end, I was happy that I went. It was raining after the Penitential Service and even that did not make me emo. Sigh.. the thing is even after the confession itself, the temptation to sin again is just too big. Currently I really cannot fight the gaming 'addiction' :( I realise that I have been trying to suppress my outward expression of dislike/anger/negativity and all that and as a result, I am imploding. Everything turns into self-loathing, ungrateful, and the passive suicidal thoughts.
Seeing how people behaved just now also honestly irked me. The warden at the section where I was sitting was useless. People thought there were some orders for the individual confession and my whole section was waiting. When we asked him, he said that we could go anytime we were ready -_-" That was not the case with the other wardens at the other sections. Ironically, when the wardens were hardworking and actually directing the queues, some people were stubborn and just refused to follow the instructions. Jeez...
Seriously please bring back the previous individual confession style.. Or perhaps I should consider going for the confession before/after mass instead of waiting for these mass twice yearly Penitential Services.
It is ironic that I feel very dreadful and am very tempted to skip confessions, yet after the confession I could feel the grace and the blessings. It was a rather unusual 'trembling' sensation that reminded me of the unusual feeling of unrest (minus the feeling of warmth/heat) as I was queueing for my baptism. Today I was so tired, sleepy, and even wanted to go gym instead. Honestly I dragged my feet and I could not really focus in the whole process, even up to when I did my penance (1x Our Father and 5x Hail Mary). But in the end, I was happy that I went. It was raining after the Penitential Service and even that did not make me emo. Sigh.. the thing is even after the confession itself, the temptation to sin again is just too big. Currently I really cannot fight the gaming 'addiction' :( I realise that I have been trying to suppress my outward expression of dislike/anger/negativity and all that and as a result, I am imploding. Everything turns into self-loathing, ungrateful, and the passive suicidal thoughts.
Seeing how people behaved just now also honestly irked me. The warden at the section where I was sitting was useless. People thought there were some orders for the individual confession and my whole section was waiting. When we asked him, he said that we could go anytime we were ready -_-" That was not the case with the other wardens at the other sections. Ironically, when the wardens were hardworking and actually directing the queues, some people were stubborn and just refused to follow the instructions. Jeez...
Seriously please bring back the previous individual confession style.. Or perhaps I should consider going for the confession before/after mass instead of waiting for these mass twice yearly Penitential Services.
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