Friday, February 10, 2012

Confused

I am glad that my current workplace is offering me a place after the training is over. I have not given any answer as the contract is not out yet. I want to know about the pay first. To be honest, I am very confused, worried, and scared. One friend asked about the pay and it looks like this organisation will be quite cheapo in terms of pay. I shall not comment before I know how much I will be offered and see how I will fight from then.

Anyway, assuming that the pay is low, I don't know whether I should stay or I should move elsewhere. I feel very restricted now. I really cannot tahan being treated badly by people who are rude, uneducated, dumb, cannot speak English, etc etc. Today I almost lost my temper to one woman. It seems that lately I am getting very sensitive when someone spoke to me in Mandarin. I just lost it when people demanded. Seriously W.H.O T.H.E F.U.C.K do you think you are? I almost told off the bitch "No. Sorry I don't understand mandarin. If you want to talk to me, you speak English". To be honest, I hate this line. It is not that I am not compassionate. These people are just.. fill in whatever expletives you can think of here... I don't think my passion is here. I prefer teaching :(

Here comes the next confusion. If I really want to teach that badly, I cannot escape from higher studies. Either I go to academia/research pathway or I stay on and hope to do master. The problem is I hate research. Sigh.. Both paths involve research which I think is just a waste of time.. a futile effort to make rubbish, non-sensical data/evidence into something believable. Considering how I hate patient contact so much, doing master also becomes a turn off. 

Staying on is actually a viable option if I wanna get funding for further studies. Yea I know it's gonna be tough to work+study at the same time and it will be a waste of time to "pay" back the few years bonds. Not to mention the necessary few years of experience before doing masters. But what if the pay offer is so bad? Retail becomes very appealing: better pay, more independence at work, etc. But less opportunity :(

Sad.. What a fate being a ma fan guy :( I am emo.. People always have the choice between the good vs bad, the good vs evil, the angel vs devil. Why do my choices only involve the evil and the lesser evil or the bad vs the lesser badness??

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