Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Old habits don't die

This is the first blog post since I reached home last week. As always, there is so little time for the so many things that I need or want to do. So far, I am done with 8 months worth of comics, I went for my hair cut, I bought the things that I intended to buy (working pants, L-men, bar soaps), I bought new plastic containers and tidied up my room, and most importantly, I am done with my procrastination for the cover letter to finally complete and submit my job application.

1-2 days before flying, I was so upset and stressed over the condition of my room. It is so full of toys and yet I find it difficult to choose any to bring over to Jakarta. They are either too big/bulky or I love them too much. With the limited space, I know I have to quit this hobby very soon. The same sentiment is repeated today while I was packing my anime artbooks and toy over at my room in Jakarta. It is just as full as my room in Singapore and really I have to stop somehow. Ironically, despite all these negative feelings towards collecting, I was already looking for items at Amazon this morning. Gosh.. I really need some help.. This is really already like an addiction.

I saw a nice cabinet at Carrefour on Monday but unfortunately there was no stock :( I spent the whole day from shops to shops to find a display rack or bookcase for my room. With the limited space I have in my room, it is not easy to find something which does not exceed 50cm x 40cm dimension. That cabinet fits the dimension and comes with door for each level. Sigh.. The price is also reasonable at about Rp 500000.

The cupboard in which I store my comics are already at maximum capacity and I am literally out of space for all the comics in the past 8 months. I am desperate enough to use the space under my bed and it is not easy to find a container which does not exceed 20cm in height. I have been eyeing one from ACE hardware but it is very expensive at Rp 300000 per piece. I guess that is the price for the versatility as each piece can be stacked on top of one another to form a standing cabinet. Even my large 80L container box only costs Rp 180000 each after discount. I still can't justify the Rp 300000 per piece but I think I will be desperate enough to eventually buy it. Unlike toys, I don't see myself stop buying comics as it is the only way for me to read manga because I hate reading scanlations.

I went for pre-Christmas confession before I flew over and I was telling myself that I hope to change: to be less negative and to be more positive towards this life. That hope is short-lived. I am still holding on to the wish of dying young. I don't know why but I get irritated when people ask when I am going to find a girlfriend and to get married. A part of me wants that kind of life but perhaps 90% part of me really just wants to die young. I am so tired of of living.. of working.. of everything.. Having girlfriend and then starting a family is like a responsibility for me to continue living which is against my desire. I don't know if I am weird. But next year I will be 30 years old and if I am still alive, I cannot keep on having this kind of thinking. Sigh.. Oh God help me...

It is already quite a long post and there are still a lot of things on my mind. I shall continue tomorrow. After all, it has been a week since my last post and I have been rather "free" for the past week to have a lot of things to think about. Lol.

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