I am sooo relieved that the dengue suspicion is over now. I guess I was just too exhausted last week. Physically I am back to normal while mentally I am still as emo and gloomy as ever. A lot of things that upset me is beyond my control and sometimes I wonder why I even bother thinking about these things. I guess I enjoy drowning myself in sorrow and self-pity.
You can't choose your family but no matter how "dysfunctional" your family is, you will still love them. Seeing my aunt's family who came here last week, I felt quite sad looking at my own family. I don't think we are that loving. Don't even think about hugging or kissing on birthdays, even our birthday wishes feel so cold and distant. It is no wonder why I grow up to be a cold-blooded unfeeling bastard. It is difficult to express yourself when your parents are not showing it first. I usually go home twice a year and ironically, I still feel very awkward to hug my parents when I see them or I see them off in airport.
All my mum and dad care about is just success.. money.. success.. money.. The time is ripe for me to start my own family but I am not even interested in finding a girlfriend. I am still very selfish and too pre-occupied with my own needs and happiness. So yeah.. I guess everything is in the genes and nurture.. Anyhow, I still prefer having my parents with me and nag with me everyday than living away from them and hear stories how my sisters always quarrel with them over petty things. Seriously what is fucking wrong with females who are close to 30 years old to fight with parents and even cry just over doing laundry!! Seriously, my parents should just buy a house here and move in with me T_T and that will make everyone happy. Ironically, the naughtier and more rebellious my sisters are, it seems that my parents care them more than me which drives me angry and crazy although there is nothing I can do about it. If I am making noise, being naughty, and trying to get their "attention", I will be making them worry which I don't like. If I just keep quiet and suck it up, they think everything is going well with my life and they don't give a damn. Haiz!
I stopped using my acne creams and I am currently having a breakout again! Sigh.. I really don't know what's wrong as before last November, I never had such a severe acne problem. My problem is: when I don't use the acne creams, I have a breakout but when I use the creams, my skin will peel so perhaps the only way for me to go is for plastic surgery. Of course the next question is whether the breakout is due to the stopping of the acne creams or due to my diet.
When I am feeling down, I will just keep on going downhill because stress makes me eat uncontrollably which will make me fat and broke and in turn, I will feel emo further. Not to mention that since I stopped the ab challenge last week, I have yet to restart it again. Haiz.. My body is just not suited to any physical activity except for sleeping..
Huaahh... Okay I am very sleepy now so I shall sleep. I promise to write something positive tomorrow. I do have some good things happening in my life (although they are not as many as the bad ones to rant on) after all.