My prayers are unheard and unanswered. I knew I asked for the impossible but yet when it was not possible, I still got upset. I asked my landlady again and the moving out date has been confirmed: 14 March. And that made me very emo for the rest of the week.
I actually just returned from a weekend trip home. It was unusual for me as I dislike flying home over a short period of time. The tiredness and the money spent simply do not justify such trip. However, with my moving house comes closer, I have to bring some of my things home. In addition, this latest trip only cost me $62 for return ticket so I just gave in.
This latest trip made me realise that the nothing is better than family and home to make me happy. When I am at home, I can live without computer and internet. I can live without following the latest toys to buy and I don't even think about money and things to buy. I don't know if it is because I am busy with reading manga at home although during my December trip, I was not able to complete reading my 8 months worth of manga. In contrast, when I am away, I can't seem to get away from these things.
I think that I am preoccupied with my family when I am at home that there is no need for me to "find things to do". I know it is just another impossible dream and wish to ever own a house in Singapore so I don't know if I will ever feel happy here. I have a comfortable disposable income but that does not make me happy. On one side, it appears that money does not make me happy. On another side, I think if I have MUCH MORE money, I can get a house and I can get my family to live here and then I will be happy :(
Each time my parents mention about a house here, I get very upset and angry. I know it is terrible for me to demand a house from them and clearly something is wrong with my mind and my negative thinking. Honestly, if I try to be positive and honest, God has been very kind to me. For the past 2 years, I have been paying an HDB room rate while staying in a landed property. Now I am so angry with the thought of staying in an HDB again although if God was not kind to me, I would have been staying in HDB throughout. Gosh.. forgive my ungratefulness, my dear God :'(