Another 28th of October is here.. That marks the end of my seventh year in Singapore. As I grow older, I realise that my future is going bleaker and bleaker. Firstly, let me continue from where I ended of last year. It was another year full of new things and experiences for me. The highlight would be my YEP trip to Cambodia. It has been my wish for few years to try on overseas community service and I finally experienced it. It was a bitter sweet experience (although I do not know which one outweighs which one lol) but the memories and the photos are surely worth remembering.
Life is going downhill after that. School is getting tougher especially since there are more clinical stuff which frankly I do not like. Endless memorising and muggings and surely it was not surprising that I did pretty badly for the CAs etc.. Surprisingly (ironically is more appropriate here), I almost nailed it for dean's list.. only to be disappointed by a module which I thought could help me.
There was preceptorship: a glimpse to the sad life I will be embarking in 2 years time. Something I wish I can run away from.. but something I want to also to justify my sufferings.. If in the end I will do something unrelated to my studies, why am I torturing myself for the past 2 years and the 2 years to come?
And here I am now in a deep deepression.. Failed a test (yeah it meant great deal to me! and for that I am expecting my very first C grade) with more to come.. Having not enough time for social bonding.. and end up socialising with people in the various committee I am serving. People whom I hate for their pathetic work ethics etc.. All in the name of cca points..
So after another year of chance, I realise that I still greatly regret my cursed life.. Why am I here doing what I am doing now? I hate my life.. I hate my future.. I hate my existence.. I hate myself..
Life is going downhill after that. School is getting tougher especially since there are more clinical stuff which frankly I do not like. Endless memorising and muggings and surely it was not surprising that I did pretty badly for the CAs etc.. Surprisingly (ironically is more appropriate here), I almost nailed it for dean's list.. only to be disappointed by a module which I thought could help me.
There was preceptorship: a glimpse to the sad life I will be embarking in 2 years time. Something I wish I can run away from.. but something I want to also to justify my sufferings.. If in the end I will do something unrelated to my studies, why am I torturing myself for the past 2 years and the 2 years to come?
And here I am now in a deep deepression.. Failed a test (yeah it meant great deal to me! and for that I am expecting my very first C grade) with more to come.. Having not enough time for social bonding.. and end up socialising with people in the various committee I am serving. People whom I hate for their pathetic work ethics etc.. All in the name of cca points..
So after another year of chance, I realise that I still greatly regret my cursed life.. Why am I here doing what I am doing now? I hate my life.. I hate my future.. I hate my existence.. I hate myself..
No comments:
Post a Comment