Friday, June 19, 2009

Family matters

The preceptorship is ending and it should be time of great celebration. Sadly, that is not the case for me. Jeez.. I will delay my flight home by one week or perhaps, I won't go back at all.. Sigh.. My dad really sucks.. Last week he said that he would not force me to go back to the village. But now.. well you know what.. Sacrifice has to be made.. I rather not going home and just screw my holidays than to screw everyone's holiday..

Sigh.. I am just an item for my parents.. not even considered a human being.. I am tired of being a source of attention and their source of pride.. I am tired of putting all the fake smile and gratitude for all the compliments my relatives give "so smart.." "so lucky.." "will have a bright future.." "so happy in Singapore..". Those words are meaningless.. All are bullshit.. I hate my life here.. I know I am not smart.. and my life is cursed to be stuck here.. bright future? So bright until I am blind perhaps..

I see my friends in Indonesia.. They have a happier life.. Many can drive, many can travel, many have girlfriends. And what do I get with all the "smart", "luck", and "bright future"? Rubbish!! I cannot drive, I am not allowed to travel, and don't even bother to talk about girlfriends.. I doubt that I have any real friends here.. Sigh..

I look at my sister. She is on job attachment in a pharma company already.. And what am I having right now? I am even shameful to admit that I am working.. I got no pay and it is not working.. What I get is just scolding day in and day out.. So far away from what I aspire to be..

I don't even have a place at my home.. I doubt that I should call that place home.. I cannot even have a say in my own room! My room is continuosly abused (used without my permission). My things are being moved around without my permission. I don't even know what the status of my manga and my toys right now. I doubt that someone will actually change the mothballs in my cupboard. There goes my thousands of dollars worth of books.

The latest breach to my privacy is regarding fastnet. I have no idea what the fuck it is.. I don't know whether it is a cable or it is a wireless. I don't know what a router is. Whatever it is, the bloody fastnet is being installed in my room WITHOUT my permission. Wow great.. What's even greater? I cannot use the bloody shit with my laptop!! Another reason for my sisters to abuse my room! and when I go back, it will just be a new source of dispute..

So how if PGP does not allow me to extend my vacation stay?? T_T

I am a prodigal son..
I am just a freak creature.. by accident sent to this sad sad life..

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